Netherbeast Incorporated (2007)

Darrell Hammond: Turner Claymore

Quotes 

• Turner Claymore : Here at Berm-Tech we offer you a handshake, whether you have hands, hooks, or flippers.

• Otto Granberry : Mike wasn't a vampire.

  Turner Claymore : If that's true, why did he recoil in terror when I shoved a crucifix in his face?

  Otto Granberry : He was Jewish.

• Turner Claymore : Human Resources, ha, now that's irony.

• Otto Granberry : Turner, there's no such thing as vampires.

  Turner Claymore : Then how come the only way I could kill him was to drive that wooden stake through his heart?

  Otto Granberry : Did you try any other ways?

  Turner Claymore : No. How naive do you think I am? He's a vampire. A vampire requires a wooden stake, through the heart. You wouldn't eat spaghetti with a skateboard would you Otto?

  Otto Granberry : What?

  Turner Claymore : It's a simple question to which the answer is no, you wouldn't eat spaghetti with a skateboard because, it's the wrong tool for the job.