My Family (TV Series)
The Spokes Person (2006)
Zoë Wanamaker: Susan Harper
Quotes
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Fat Hilary : Do you remember my eldest, Dominic? He's an international chess master.
Susan Harper : Yes, you said - twice.
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Susan Harper : Oh, look! Here's Janey! You probably don't remember her. She's changed quite a bit.
Fat Hilary : [to Janey] Goodness me! The last time I saw you, you were running round the school playground with your skirt over your head, showing all the boys your knickers!
Susan Harper : Maybe she hasn't changed that much.
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Fat Hilary : Hello, Ben!
Ben Harper : [Thinking it's Susan] Hello, darling! God, you've changed! You've done something different with your hair!
Fat Hilary : How are you?
Ben Harper : I have no idea! Who are you? I'm sorry - do I know you?
Susan Harper : You remember Hilary Jessop?
[Does a fat woman pose at Ben]
Ben Harper : Oh, yes! That's right - you used to be so fat!
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Ben Harper : You should have heard me - airing my views! I was committed, forceful, persuasive, erudite. There's another word...
Susan Harper : Boring?
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Susan Harper : Look, I've got to beat Fat Hilary's fundraising effort and come up with a gourmet meal that will knock her sideways on Saturday night.
Ben Harper : Well, your cooking's been known to knock people sideways before, Susan.
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Ben Harper : Hey, I'm always here for you, Susan! Except when I'm not.
Susan Harper : Don't let me down on this.
Ben Harper : When have I ever let you down?
Susan Harper : I'd tell you, but I want to get to sleep before breakfast.
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Susan Harper : [about Dominic] But he's not your type. He's wholesome, decent, pure as the driven snow.
Janey Harper : I know! It's so attractive!
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Susan Harper : I can't serve my guests burnt food!
Abi Harper : But you always said the carbon was good for us!
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Susan Harper : How do you fancy cooking for our dinner party on Saturday?
Roger Bailey : I would love to! A chance to work in a nice big kitchen like this? It's a dream come true!
Abi Harper : Oh, can I help, Rog?
Roger Bailey : Yes! You can be my sous!
Abi Harper : I like being Abi!
Roger Bailey : Sous chef, Abi.
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Janey Harper : [about Dominic] Do you know he doesn't believe in sex before marriage and I've told him I feel exactly the same!
Ben Harper : [laughs]
Susan Harper : I think that particular boat has sailed, Janey!
Ben Harper : Yeah! I think it's a microscopic dot on the horizon!
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Susan Harper : You're making our lives a living hell! You have to apologise!
Ben Harper : Are you serious? I'd rather have a chimp remove my spleen with rusty scissors!
Susan Harper : Be careful for what you wish!
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Ben Harper : [On TV] I'm here to set the record straight. I mean, to me, cyclists are the salt of the earth.
Michael Harper : [Watching Ben on TV with the family] What's dad doing?
Susan Harper : Something he's never done before!
Janey Harper : What?
Susan Harper : The right thing!
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Fat Hilary : [Cries] Why can't my life be like yours?
Susan Harper : I'm sorry? But your life is perfect!
Fat Hilary : No, it is not! Believe me it is not! It is a sham from top to bottom! My husband is having an affair, my eldest son is sexually confused and his younger brother is doing time in Ford Open Prison!
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Ben Harper : [Tries to leave the house, but the front doorway is bricked up]
Susan Harper : Ben, what else did you say on that programme?
Ben Harper : Well, nothing much... I think... Ah, yes, I... I may have mentioned... that all builders are shiftless cowboys!