Futurama (TV Series)

Insane in the Mainframe (2001)

Billy West: Philip J. Fry, Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth, Dr. Zoidberg, Smitty, Richard Nixon, Judge Ron Whitey

Quotes 

• Fry : [Fry thinks he's a robot]  Fear not: I shall assist ye.

  Hermes Conrad : Robots don't say "ye"!

  Fry : Relax, mammal. My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol?

  Hermes Conrad : That's a plus sign, ya pointy-haired loony! Quit thinking you're a robot!

  Fry : I'll show ye!

• Fry : Bender, you've got to help me. How can I show them that I'm human?

  Bender : You could drop dead. That would show them.

  Fry : I don't wanna!

• Turanga Leela : I'm going to remind Fry of his humanity, the way only a woman can.

  Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth : You're going to do his laundry?

• Judge Ron Whitey : Counselor, what evidence do you offer to support this new plea of insanity?

  The Hyper-Chicken : For starters, they done hired me to represent them.

  Judge Ron Whitey : Insanity plea is accepted!

• Fry : Blood? Robots don't have blood. I must be a... a...

  Dr. Zoidberg : A squid?

  Fry : A human! Oh, my God, I'm a human!

  Dr. Zoidberg : Also good.

• Fry : I'm not a robot like you, I don't like having discs cramped into me... unless they're Oreos... and then only in the mouth.

• Fry : I do other human stuff! I age! See?

• Hermes Conrad : I will now read the mandatory speech. "Dear employee: Has it really been five, ten, or fifteen years? If not, please disregard this and get back to work. Distribute token of apreciation and applaud."

  Dr. Zoidberg : Look, coupons! I can get two oil changes for the price of one. Now if I could only afford the one. And the car. Ah, the years! So many memories, so many strange fluids gushing out of patients' bodies.

  Hermes Conrad : Yes, yes. Now here's your pension statement. It's empty because you haven't paid into it, you dumb stinkbug!

  Dr. Zoidberg : You kept track of it all these years!

• Fry : At least I have friends on the outside. Bender's been no help at all.

  Bender : Je suis Napoleon! Ha ha ha! No, seriously, I'm not.

• Bender : Buddy, you may be wrapped in greasy skin, but inside you've got the heart of a robot.

  Fry : Aw. Thanks, Bender.

  Bender : Just like inside me, I've got the heart of a human.

  [Takes out human heart; others recoil in horror] 

  Bender : What?... What?

• Roberto : [Holds Zoidberg at knifepoint]  Back off! I have hostages!

  Dr. Zoidberg : Hooray! I'm helping!

• Roberto : Hey, Red. You're just in time for the hostage situation. Which side do you want to be on?

  Fry : The side that kicks your twisted, metal ass.

• Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth : Ow. That's going to bleed when my heart beats.

• Fry : I refuse to testify on the grounds that my organs will be chopped up into a patty.

  Judge Ron Whitey : Ah, the 67th Amendment.

• Fry : [about an Abraham Lincoln robot at the asylum]  Let me guess. He thinks he's Abraham Lincoln.

  Unit 2013 : Well, he's supposed to, but he has multiple personalities. All of them Lincoln.

  Abraham Lincoln Robot : I was born in 200 log cabins.

• Dr. Zoidberg : Fry, listen to me. Just because you say you're a robot doesn't make you a robot. Look at me. I call myself a doctor, but that doesn't make me a doctor. These fancy clothes do.

• Fry : I'm not a robot like you, I don't like having discs crammed into me... unless they're Oreos... and then only in the mouth.

• Nurse Ratchet : [Referring to Malfunctioning Eddie]  He's very excitable so don't say anything to surprise him.

  [Leaves Fry with Malfunctioning Eddie] 

  Malfunctioning Eddie : Pleased to meet you.

  Fry : Actually, we've met once before.

  Malfunctioning Eddie : what!

  [Head explodes] 

• Dr. Zoidberg : Listen to me Fry just because you think you're a robot, it doesn't make you a robot, after all I think I'm a doctor but that doesn't make me a doctor, these fancy clothes do.

  Fry : [in a robotic tone]  Negative I must be a robot, why else would human women refuse to date me?

  Turanga Leela : [assuring him]  Oh lots of reasons

  Fry : [to the crew]  Bio units terminate noise exchange, it is time for you to ingest sandwiches from my compartment

  [unzips his pants, pulls out sandwiches and hands them to them causing them to back away in disgust] 

• Dr. Zoidberg : [Fry has drank a lot of alcohol and leaves the empty bottle laying on the floor]  By a scallop's forelocks, what's with all the beer Fry?

  Fry : [drunk]  Alcohol fuels my power cells and as a mighty robot I...

  [burps and passes out] 

• Hermes Conrad : I will now read the mandatory speech.

  [reading from a book called "Minimum Obligations Manual"] 

  Hermes Conrad : Dear employee. Has it really been five, 10 or 15 years? If not, please disregard this and get back to work. Distribute token of appreciation and applaud.

  Dr. Zoidberg : [He gives Zoidberg an envelope and claps. Zoidberg opens it]  Look! Coupons! I can get two oil changes for the price of one! Now if I could only afford the one. And the car.

• Hermes Conrad : Now here's your pension statement.

  [He hands Zoidberg a piece of paper] 

  Hermes Conrad : It's empty because you haven't paid into it, you dumb stinkbug!

  Dr. Zoidberg : [Zoidberg wipes away a tear and hugs Hermes]  You kept track of it all these years!