- Ivy Teasdale: [when serving morning tea, Ivy has just accidentally found Lady Agatha in bed with Lord Meldrum] Henry! Lady Agatha's in bed with his Lordship. What shall I do?
- Henry Livingstone: Take them another cup.
- P.C. Wilson: I was born in Battersea. I can't think of any orphanage. There's the dog's home.
- Mabel Wheeler: Perhaps they started taking in kids.
- Poppy Meldrum: He ticked me off for sleeping with Madge Cartwright. She's not even my chum.
- The Honourable Teddy Meldrum: I got ticked off for not sleeping with Madge Cartwright.
- Poppy Meldrum: Just think of the money Madge has got. You could do all sorts of exciting things with her.
- The Honourable Teddy Meldrum: I don't want to do exciting things with her. I want do do exciting things with Rose!
- Poppy Meldrum: There's Uncle Teddy carrying on with Rose the maid. There's Daddy carrying on with Sir Ralph's wife. Then there's you!
- Cissy Meldrum: Might I assure you that I am completely normal.
- Poppy Meldrum: Then what do you and Penelope get up to at the Boot and Britches Club?
- Cissy Meldrum: And what do you get up to with James the footman?
- Mabel Wheeler: The doctor said I ought to have more iron... I can't afford Burgundy!
- Henry Livingstone: Go and suck the poker.
- Mrs. Blanche Lipton: Ivy, have you finished delivering the morning tea?
- Ivy Teasdale: Well I'm not sure. People keep springing up!
- James Twelvetrees: What do you mean, Ivy?
- Ivy Teasdale: Well, first I took the tea into his Lordship, and Lady Agatha was in bed with him. Then I took the tea into Sir Ralph, and Lady Agatha was in bed with him as well. Then I took the tea into Miss Cissy, and she was in bed with Miss Penelope. Then I took the tea into Miss Poppy, and she was in bed with Miss Cartwright. Only the wrong way round!
- Mrs. Blanche Lipton: Least said, soonest mended.