- Wayne Arnold: Some guys bet me twenty bucks I couldn't find out Maniac's real name.
- Kevin Arnold: And you think a can of soda is gonna do it?
- Wayne Arnold: No, no, no. This is just the icebreaker.
- Kevin Arnold: You're out of your mind.
- Wayne Arnold: Hey, for twenty bucks I'd lick the paint off our house with my tongue.
- Kevin Arnold - The Narrator: I got news for you: a year later he did it for ten.
- Paul Pfeiffer: [to Chuck] Sheila! Sheila! Why don't you just go talk to her?
- Chuck Coleman: I can't.
- Ricky Halsenbach: Why not?
- Chuck Coleman: She's eating.
- Paul Pfeiffer: It's cafeteria, Chuck.
- Chuck Coleman: Paul, you can't ask a girl out when she's eating. It's like a landmine. I mean what happens when she smiles and she has all these particles of tuna on her teeth? She'd be humiliated! You can't recover from something like that.
- Dr. Valenti: What are you doing?
- Jimmy Donnelly: Who, us?
- Dr. Valenti: Yeah, you.
- Jimmy Donnelly: Well...
- Kevin Arnold - The Narrator: I guess it was clear someone was going to take the rap.
- Jimmy Donnelly: [points towards Kevin] We were following him.
- Joey Spinoza: Yeah. Where were you taking us, Kevin?
- Kevin Arnold: Uh...
- Kevin Arnold - The Narrator: And at that moment, I saw my entire academic career flash before my eyes. I saw my mother wringing her hands. I saw my father wringing my neck.