- Colin Mochrie: [in "Hollywood Director"]
- [with an odd accent]
- Colin Mochrie: J'know, when I first come to this country with nothing but a hammer and a powerful laxative... I thought to myself, I wouldn't have to deal with this crup.
- Ryan Stiles: I'm sorry, it's a Spanish piece, we thought we'd...
- Colin Mochrie: "Spahnish"? Is THAT what you are speaking? Spahnish? Pleh on you.
- Wayne Brady: [in "Hollywood Director", in a Zorro scene, the style has switched to 1950's musical]
- [singing]
- Wayne Brady: It's me, the guy they call Zorro / Shing! Of course. Dressed in black, and on my horse. / Oh my goodness, I'm in a box. / Did you know that "Zorro" is Spanish for "fox"?
- Colin Mochrie: [in "Living Scenery", pretending Wayne is a surfboard] My board has a big bump in the back.
- Drew Carey: [in "World's Worst", about TV advertisements] Hi, I'm Drew Carey for Slim Fast.
- Wayne Brady: Hi. I'm Wayne Brady for the Dark Right 2000 Tanning Bed.
- Colin Mochrie: It's a breath mint AND a suppository!
- Drew Carey: Made for a man, but my DOG likes it, too!
- Ryan Stiles: And if you act by midnight, we'll throw in one of Drew Carey's People Choice Awards.
- Wayne Brady: Millions of men in America suffer from Chronic Pfft! Syndrome.
- [steps back, but steps forward again]
- Wayne Brady: Not only am I a member, I'm a pfft! president.
- Colin Mochrie: Aluminum: The condom you can trust.
- Wayne Brady: [turns around and then mimes looking at something in his hand] Whew! I'd never be able to find myself if it wasn't for this: Brojack! I know where I am twenty-four hours a day! Beep beep beep beep! I'm right here!
- Ryan Stiles: Is your penis too small? Well let yes- aw,
- [bleep]
- Wayne Brady: Is your penis too small?
- [pointing at the camera while laughing hysterically]
- Drew Carey: My life's been so much better since I got this new "fat guy" bra!
- Ryan Stiles: Are you bothered by diarrhea?
- [eyes widen]
- Ryan Stiles: I'll be right back.
- Wayne Brady: Do you have problems with dialects? Order Colin Mochrie's Guide to Dialects in Different Countries. You get French:
- [muddled accent]
- Wayne Brady: "Hello!" Spanish:
- [same accent]
- Wayne Brady: "Hello!" Indonesian:
- [same accent]
- Wayne Brady: "Hello!"
- Colin Mochrie: The Wayne Brady surfboard, with a bump big enough to sit on!
- Drew Carey: [in "Scenes from a Hat"] "Rejected gift ideas that the wise men considered."
- Wayne Brady: [to Kathy] Mary, we have brought this: A Playstation 2 for the...
- Ryan Stiles: [to Colin] Well you can't give him a pork roast.
- Kathy Greenwood: It's a Chia pet!
- Wayne Brady: The young messiah will derive hours of entertainment from this: The singing bass!
- Ryan Stiles: Put it over there. Are you ready?
- [claps twice]
- Colin Mochrie: ...Water skis.
- Wayne Brady: With these motivational tapes by Tony Robbins, the young one can lead His people!
- Ryan Stiles: They call it a "thong".
- Drew Carey: Fiendish Spanish colonel Ryan rides in to kidnap beautiful Mexican girl, Kathy. Zorro...
- [audience laughs]
- Drew Carey: Zorro, who is Wayne, arrives to rescue her.
- Wayne Brady: Yes.
- Drew Carey: Yes.
- Ryan Stiles: Let me just say, this Spanish guy has some Italian in him.