Johnny Carson: Self - Host

Quotes 

• Johnny Carson : [reading an audience member's comment]  "My romantic fantasy is to have my wife come to bed before your show comes on. She stays up every night to watch you, and I get cheated on my sex life."... Well... Gaspar, you'll just have to put on a better show than I do.

• Johnny Carson : [reading an audience member's choice of an ideal romantic partner]  "I would pick Tommy Newsom, because he is so cute and cuddly, like a teddy bear."

  Ed McMahon : Tommy's not here tonight.

  Johnny Carson : He also has the hormones of a teddy bear.

• Johnny Carson : You've been described as a... a, uh, legend... um, an extraordinary actress. How - how would you like to be best remembered?

  Bette Davis : As a good worker.

  Johnny Carson : Just a good, solid professional?

  Bette Davis : I have adored the work.

• Bette Davis : [on her early movies]  The first two years, I did - every one I didn't want to do. Oh, yes - Parachute Jumper... Housewife...

  Johnny Carson : [noting her list of credits]  I saw that - now, I don't remember Parachute Jumper.

  Bette Davis : Bureau of Miss - oh, they don't put those on television, thank God.

• Bette Davis : [on Johnny's guests]  You mean some people do not show, but don't call?

  Johnny Carson : It has happened, where...

  Bette Davis : It has really happened?

  Johnny Carson : Yeah, where somebody - you'll just hear that they're not feeling well, and...

  Bette Davis : And so they don't bother to call?

  Johnny Carson : Yeah.

  Bette Davis : Chaaarming.

• Bette Davis : [on Superman's romantic liaisons]  Does he do it differently as Superman?

  Richard Pryor : Well, he does it faster.

  Johnny Carson : ...Unfortunately, Lois Lane is wearing a kryptonite coil.