The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (TV Series)

Burt Reynolds/Susan Sarandon/Renn Woods/Andrew Tobias (1978)

Johnny Carson: Self - Host

Photos 

Quotes 

• Johnny Carson : If you could be something other than a human being or an animal, what would you like to be?

  Tommy Newsom : I am that person.

• Ed McMahon : [following 19th-century advice on choosing a wife]  That's been around since 1874...

  Johnny Carson : That particular article.

  Ed McMahon : And never - never crossed our path before tonight.

  Johnny Carson : Just tonight.

  Ed McMahon : That little pamphlet could have saved us a fortune.

• Johnny Carson : Never marry a girl who uses Black Flag as a deodorant.

• Andrew Tobias : If you want to kind of save some money very well - uh, make 40% tax-free on a thousand dollars - unfortunately, you can't do it on the second or third thousand. But, uh, if you buy your tuna fish when it's on sale, and you buy your shaving cream when it's an incredible special - you buy it by the case, um, and you get a case discount. I buy my wine by the case, instead of bottle by bottle. I'm not talking about investment-grade wine - just, um... Well, I get a 10% discount when I do it, and if I go through four cases a year, by tying up thirty dollars in a case of wine instead of buying it two-fifty a bottle; it's very terrific wine we're talking about. Uh...

  Johnny Carson : Drinkable stuff. I mean, does its - does its job, right?

  Andrew Tobias : I - I save three dollars on that thirty, four times a year - so I'm saving twelve dollars on thirty dollars, which is 40% return. And the government doesn't tax that. It - put the same thirty dollars in a savings account - in a daily savings account - I would get 5-1/2% interest theoretically, but the government would come and take half of it in taxes.