- Maddie: I'm screwed. This guy invited me to a dinner party.
- Henry McNeeley: What's the problem?
- Maddie: Lobster tail.
- Henry McNeeley: He has a lobster tail?
- Maddie: Yes, Henry, he has a lobster tail. He has to buy special pants.
- Maddie: He's all excited cuz it's one of those deals where they send live lobsters from Maine by overnight mail.
- Henry McNeeley: Oooh, there's a horrible day. Not only do you get dropped into a pot of boiling water, but you have to go to the airport.
- Ian Stark: I had a little problem for a while so I went to a hypnotist.
- Maddie: Did it help?
- Ian Stark: Oh, it worked so well, I became completely and utterly fascinated with hypnosis. I studied it, I read everything I could find, I bought tapes, took seminars, practiced on my friends, you name it.
- Henry McNeeley: What was your little problem?
- Ian Stark: Obsessive-compulsive disorder.
- Maddie: Ian's gonna hypnotize me.
- Jake Donovan: Yeah, to do what? Quit smoking? Lose weight? Stop sleeping with losers?
- Maddie: I don't smoke, I'm not fat and I don't... Can you help me with that too?
- Ian Stark: They just think they're Romeo and Juliette, what's the worst that can happen?
- Henry McNeeley: Well, they could have sex and kill themselves.
- Ian Stark: Just think. Jake and Tess together. Where would they go?
- Henry McNeeley: Well, let's see. All we need is a strip joint that sells designer shoes.
- Maddie: Wait a minute, I saw the movie.
- Henry McNeeley: What happened?
- Maddie: I don't know, I got bored halfway through and walked into the other theater. All I remember is Claire Danes falls in love and then Harrison Ford says, "Get off my plane!"