Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (TV Series)

Little Green Men (1995)

Armin Shimerman: Quark

Photos 

Quotes 

• Quark : What's that disgusting smell?

  Nog : I think it's called tobacco. It's a deadly drug. When used frequently, it destroys the internal organs.

  Quark : If it's so deadly, then why do they use it?

  Nog : It's also highly addictive.

  Rom : How do they get their hands on it?

  Nog : They buy it in stores.

  Quark : [stunned]  They buy? If they buy poison they'll buy anything. I think I'm gonna like it here.

• Quark : I'd always heard primitive Humans lacked intelligence, but I had no idea they were this stupid.

• [Quark has realized that the humans are mimicking them slapping their heads. He goes up to the captain and tweeks his own nose, as the captain does the same] 

  Quark : [in Ferengi; smiling a little as he speaks]  Brik yop tal hopdrew, ki los hoem bog?

  [Translation: If I jumped off a roof, would you do that, too?] 

• [the Ferengi are in trouble, as their ship keeps accelerating and is about to be ripped apart] 

  Rom : The kemocite! If we vent plasma from the warp core into the cargo hold, we may be able to start a cascade reaction in the kemocite. Then we can modulate the reaction to create an inversion wave in the warp field and force the ship back into normal space. If I time it just right, I should be able to get us close enough to Earth to make an emergency landing.

  Quark : Rom! You're a genius!

  Rom : Think so?

  Quark : How should I know? I have no idea what you're talking about.

• [giving Morn instructions on how to run his bar while he's away] 

  Quark : Now remember: don't extend any lines of credit, don't touch the dabo girls, and make sure you keep your eyes on *him*.

  [points out Odo] 

  Quark : ...because he'll be keeping his eyes on *you*.

  [Odo approaches] 

  Odo : Good choice, Quark. I'm sure Morn will do an excellent job, as long as he doesn't drink up all your profits.

  Quark : Better him than one of my Ferengi waiters. They'd rob me blind.

• Nog : Father, have you ever heard of the Bell riots?

  Rom : Don't bother me now.

  Nog : But doesn't this Gabriel Bell Human look just like Captain Sisko?

  [He shows Rom a picture of Bell] 

  Quark : All Humans look alike.

• Quark : [about Humans]  They're a primitive backward people, Nog. Pity them.

• [Rom reveals that he found out about Quark smuggling kemocite] 

  Quark : What tipped you off?

  Rom : When I engaged the impulse engines, I noticed the ship's weight distribution was a little off. So the last time you went to waste extraction, I snuck back to the cargo bay and took a look around.

  Quark : Where did you get to be so smart?

  Rom : I've always been smart, brother; I've just lacked self-confidence. Of course... I could forget everything I saw.

  Quark : How much?

  Rom : Twenty percent of the profits.

  Quark : [to Nog]  I suppose you'll want a cut too?

  Nog : As a Starfleet cadet it's my duty to report any violation of Federation law to my superiors immediately. But then again, I haven't been sworn in yet. I'll take ten percent!

• General Denning : You know, Quark, you might be some kind of Martian...

  Quark : Ferengi.

  General Denning : Whatever. But the more we talk, the more you remind me of my brother-in-law.

  Quark : Is he a businessman?

  General Denning : He's a car salesman, and not a very good one.

• Quark : We're here to open up trade negotiations. If you're not interested, just say so. I'm sure I can do business with one of your planet's other nation states.

  General Denning : In other words, if we don't play ball, you're going to sell these advanced weapons of yours to the Russians?

  Quark : I'd rather it didn't come to that. To be honest, I'd much rather work with you Australians.

  General Denning : Americans!

  Quark : Whatever...

• Nurse Garland : I only hope that one day mankind will travel to the stars and take its place in the vast Alliance of Planets.

  Rom : "Federation" of Planets.

  Nurse Garland : Excuse me?

  Quark : Er... don't pay any attention to him, he's an idiot!

• Quark : All I ask is a tall ship - and a load of contraband to fill her with.

• [when trying to escape from the military base, the Ferengi and their helpers are intercepted by General Denning and two armed soldiers] 

  General Denning : Hold it right there!

  Quark : Stay back!

  Quark : [points at Nurse Garland]  ... or I'll disintegrate this hostage.

  General Denning : With your finger?

  Quark : With my death ray.

  General Denning : Looks a lot like a finger to me.

• [last lines] 

  [Quark's cousin has tried to kill him earlier] 

  Quark : I'm innocent! I tell you, this is all a misunderstanding. Rom, get me a lawyer!

  Rom : I'll contact cousin Gaila. I'm sure he'll know a good one.

  Quark : [as he's being dragged away]  ROM, YOU IDIOT!

  Rom : See you in a few weeks, brother.

  [waves after him, smiling] 

• Quark : You people should take better care of yourselves. Stop poisoning your bodies with tobacco and atom bombs. Sooner or later that kind of stuff will kill you.

  General Denning : What do you know about atom bombs?

  Quark : My people have been watching your world for years; we know all about you: baseball... root beer... darts... atom bombs. It's quite a fascinating culture you Humans have here.

• Rom : Maybe we are dead.

  Quark : What're you talking about?

  Rom : Maybe this is the Divine Treasury.

  Quark : Oh, don't be ridiculous, the Divine Treasury is made of pure latinum. Besides, where is the Blessed Exchequer? Where are the Celestial Auctioneers? And why aren't we bidding for our new lives, hmm?

  Rom : You don't think we're in the other place?

  Nog : The Vault of Eternal Destitution?

• [Quark is banging on the door of the examine room, while speaking in the Ferengi language] 

  Quark : Guss Uff Wok ton! GUSS UFF WOK TON!

  [Translation: "Let us out of here! LET US OUT OF HERE!"] 

• Quark : These Humans, they're nothing like the ones from the Federation. They're crude, gullible and greedy.

  Odo : You mean, like you?

  Quark : Yeah! These are Humans I can understand - and manipulate.

• Quark : The speed of technological advancement isn't nearly as important as short term quarterly gains.

• Quark : The three of us and millions of primitive Humans - I like those odds.

• [Quark intends to stay on 20th century Earth] 

  Rom : But brother, what about the bar?

  Quark : Who cares about the bar? I'm telling you, Rom, we stay here, and inside of a year we'll be running this place.

  Rom : You mean the military base?

  Quark : I mean the whole planet!

• Quark : There's something about that female that I don't like. She's so... cheerful.

• Quark : [after Nurse Garland and Carlson have knocked down the guards]  We're all grateful, but couldn't you've done that an hour ago?

• [Odo has freed the Ferengi from a couple of soldiers threatening them] 

  Jeff Carlson : Who's he?

  Quark : My hero.

• Jeff Carlson : We gotta get you out of here.

  Rom : Won't you get in trouble for this?

  Quark : Why should they? We forced them to help us by using our, erm...

  Nurse Garland : Your insidious mind control powers?

  Quark : [surprised]  That's not bad.

• Quark : Just remember: under that placid Federation veneer, Humans are still a bunch of violent savages.

  Nog : Maybe. But I like 'em.

• [Quark is being interrogated by Wainwright. A very reluctant Nurse Garland is injecting him truth serum] 

  Quark : [high piched scream]  Whhhhaaaaarrrrrrrrrrggggghhhhhhh! Aaaaaaarrrrrgggghhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaa!

  [shouts pleadingly; in pain] 

  Quark : Will you please stop doing that?

  Nurse Garland : [to Wainwright]  That's the fifth injection of sodium pentothal I've given him. It's not working.

  Jeff Carlson : Their anatomy is very different from ours.

  Quark : [very peeved]  Then,stop sticking me with those needles!