Soap (TV Series)
Episode #4.1 (1980)
Billy Crystal: Jodie Dallas
Quotes
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[Mary has just woken up after giving birth to what she is afraid might be a half-alien baby]
Mary : Did I?
Jodie : You did.
Chuck : Congratulations
Mary : What color is it?
Bob : Well, is there something you'd like to tell us?
Jodie : We're not sure yet.
Bob : That's not usually the first question.
Chuck : Bob...
Bob : That's not usually the *twelfth* question!
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[the custody hearing has convened for the judge's ruling]
Jodie : Do we have a chance?
Mallu : A chance? Let me tell you something, Dallas, something you should know. The Red Sea wasn't parted by a pool pump, savvy? When John the Baptist, he didn't stand a chance, but he made it! Because there's always a chance. Remember that.
Jodie : John the Baptist was beheaded.
Mallu : And I hope you'll have the grace never to quote me on that.
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Judge Small : Mr. Dallas, I have seen your integrity, fervor and honesty. I'm impressed by your passion and fortitude. However, it has become apparent to me over these many years that an infant needs the kind of care that can best be given to it by its mother. Miss David, you have shown yourself to be a concerned parent.
Carol : Thank you.
Judge Small : Last night, I decided that your child would be better off with her mother.
Carol : Oh, thank you, your honor!
Judge Small : This morning, I received a call for *your* mother telling me she had lied on the stand on your behalf.
Carol : Your honor, I wanted my daughter so bad that I would have done anything to...
Judge Small : Forcing your own mother to commit perjury using her own grandchild as bait does not lead me to believe that this person has a clear understanding of what parenthood is all about. Mr. Dallas has that understanding. Therefore, I have decided to break with normal tradition and award custody of the infant Wendy to her father, Jodie Dallas. This hearing is adjourned.
[bangs the gavel]
Jodie : [approaches] You honor, I realize I've acted irrationally during these proceedings and I'm sorry. I know it's hard for you to know a person when that person's world is caving in all around him, because all you get to see is the fear and the craziness. So I thank you for looking beyond that.
Judge Small : Good luck, Mr. Dallas.
