- Jack Crowley: Do you know which direction is Mecca?
- Marge Simpson: Um, Mecca?
- Jack Crowley: Marge I'm kidding. I'm Jewish.
- Warden: Welcome to Waterville State Penitentiary! The contestants you'll see today are actual prisoners on a break, from their telemarketing duties. Now here comes our first outlaw.
- Unknown Prisoner: [Gate opens and prisoner on horse comes out] Ye-haw!
- [Horse throws him and he lands on his head. Crowd gasps]
- Warden: Oooh, doggie. Well, don't feel too bad for him, folks. He's in here for erecting a Nativity Scene on city property.
- Marge Simpson: [Crowds boos loudly] There's so much evil in the world.
- Warden: [Prisoner chasing calf on a horse. The Prisoner ropes him and brings him down. He runs over an hogties him then pulls out a knife and holds it to the calf's throat] No, Dilbert, we're not slaughtering the animals!
- Prisoner: [Puts away the knife] It's not like that Warden, we was just having a conversation.
- [to the calf]
- Prisoner: Ain't that right?
- [Calf nods and moos uh-huh]
- Jack Crowley: Marge, this is the God's truth. I burned the mural... but I did not burn Skinner's car.
- Marge Simpson: I just saw you! Get him outta here, Chief!
- Chief Wiggum: Yes, ma'am!
- Homer: [after the chiropractor adjusts his spine] Hey... it feels a little better!
- Dr. Steve (Chiropractor): I thought it might. Now, I'll need to see you three times a week for, uh... many years.
- Dr. Hibbert: Modern medicine has a lousy record of treating the back. We spend too much time on the front.
- Homer: Yeah, there's some neat stuff on the front!
- Jack: You see, I didn't want to go so cutesy-wutesy.
- Skinner: Because?
- Jack: Because it's not my style.
- Skinner: Well, if you want to keep this job, you'll make it your style.
- Jack: All right. You're the bossman, ain't ya?
- Skinner: Darn right, I'm the boss. Don't forget, I can take you back where you came from, college boy!