Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Junior Mint (1993)

Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld

Photos 

Quotes 

• Cosmo Kramer : Who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It's chocolate, it's peppermint, it's delicious.

  Jerry : That's true.

  Cosmo Kramer : It's very refreshing.

• Jerry : Mulva?

• Doctor : You know I don't want to totally discount the emotional element in your recovery but I think there were other factors at play here.

  Jerry : What do you mean?

  Doctor : I have no medical evidence to back me up but something happened during the operation that staved off that infection. Something beyond science. Something perhaps... from above.

  Cosmo Kramer : [pulls a box of Junior Mints from his jacket]  Mint?

  Doctor : Those can be very refreshing.

• Jerry : Hey.

  George Costanza : Hi...

  [George is watching "Home Alone"] 

  Jerry : What are doing, are you crying?

  George Costanza : No...

  [he takes off his glasses and wipes his eyes] 

  Jerry : You're crying from "Home Alone"?

  George Costanza : The old man got to me.

• Jerry : [describing the "junior mint" incident during Roy's surgery to George]  Bounces of a surgical life support thing, into the patient!

  George Costanza : [blank stare]  What do you mean into the patient?

  Jerry : INTO the patient literally!

  George Costanza : Into the hole?

  Jerry : YES! THE HOLE!

  George Costanza : [shocked]  Did they notice it?

  Jerry : No. They sealed him up with the mint inside!

  George Costanza : How come they did not notice it?

  Jerry : Because it was a little mint! It's a *junior mint*.

• Jerry : That's terrific... Mulva.

  Dolores : What?

  Jerry : Mulva?

  Dolores : Mulva?

  Jerry : My... My aunt's name is Mulva. She's, she's a masseuse.

• George Costanza : What's her name?

  Jerry : I don't know.

  George Costanza : How could you not know her name?

  Jerry : I was a little nervous. I got distracted. It had something to do with a car or a fish.

• Dolores : You don't know my name, do you?

  Jerry : Yes, I do.

  Dolores : What is it?

  Jerry : It rhymes with a female body part.

  Dolores : What is it?

  Jerry : Mulva? Uh, uh, Gipple? Loleola? Oh! Oh! Dolores!

• Jerry : I can't ask her now. I've already made out with her. Once you make out with a woman, you can't ask her her name.

• [last lines] 

  Jerry : At ages zero through 10, candy is your life. There's nothing else. Family, friends, school, they're only obstacles in the way of getting more candy. And you have your favorite candy that you love. You know, there's ones, "I love those, I hate those. I hatethose, I lovethose." And only a seven-year-old kid could actually taste the difference between, like, a red M&M and a light brown M&M. That's two totally different things when you're a 7-year-old. "Well, you're right, it's more of a main-course M&M. But the brown, it's more of a mellower flavor. It's an after-dinner M&M, really."

• Jerry : What about you? Did people make fun of your name?

  Dolores : Are you kidding? They were merciless. What do you expect when your name rhymes... with a part of the female anatomy? Of course, not everybody can be as sweet as you are. Oh, Jerry...

  Jerry : Oh... you...

• [first lines] 

  Jerry : You can't just have an adultery, you commit adultery. And you can't even commit adultery unless you already have a commitment, so you have to make the commitment before you can even think about committing it. There's no commit without the commit. Then, once you commit, then you can commit the adultery. Then you can get caught, get divorced, lose your mind, and they have you committed. But, you know, some people actually cheat on the people that they're cheating with, which is, like being in a holdup, and then turning to the robber next to you and going, "All right, give me everything you have too."