- Larry King: Alright. If you're just tuning in: the book, an autobiography; the subject, acting; the oil-laden foot, Marlon Brando's.
- Weekend Update Anchor: Last week, British entrepreneur Richard Brown launced a new soft drink, "Virgin Cola". Apparently, months of research determined that people were turned off by the names "Slut Cola" and "Dr. Whore".
- Weekend Update Anchor: On Wall Street last week, trading was very heavy on the big board. Why? Because it's a big board, what, are you nuts?
- Weekend Update Anchor: Playboy founder Hugh Hefner recently attended his High School reunion. It was wonderful to see all my old friends, he said. But still, it's nice to get back home to a house full of beautiful naked eighteen year old women.