- Helga: Listen, buddy. It's been a long, hard war. And I've fought from the sands of Iwo Jima to the shores of Tripoli. And the last thing in the world I need is an olive-drab dingaling who every time he opens his mouth his tongue bayonets his brain!
- Colonel Hiakowa: [to his prisoner Fred] All I want to know is when you are going to blow up the bridge over the river Kwai.
- Fred G. Sanford: River Kwai? I never heard of it.
- Colonel Hiakowa: You mean to tell me you never heard that famous song, "Kwai Me a River"?
- Fred G. Sanford: [to Nazi Commander] Listen, you Nazi knockwurst, if you want to live with the master race, move to Watts!
- Fred G. Sanford: Hello, son. Roger and I were just having a little talk.
- Lamont Sanford: Yeah, I heard all about it, "Major." Cyanide capsules, truth drugs. I'm surprised Roger wasn't hurt.
- Fred G. Sanford: Hurt?
- Lamont Sanford: Hit by flying bull.
- Fred G. Sanford: Uh, soldier?
- Soldier: Yeeesssss?
- Fred G. Sanford: You're a killer?
- Soldier: No, I got these notches on my knife from spreading crunchy peanut butter.
- Fred G. Sanford: You, watch you mouth! See, I go a black belt in karate, a green belt in judo, and a red belt in kung fu.
- Soldier: [Points to Fred's gut] ... And a pot at the end of the rainbow!