Sabrina the Teenage Witch (TV Series)

Five Easy Pieces of Libby (1998)

Caroline Rhea: Hilda Spellman

Quotes 

• Zelda Spellman : I've done it! I'm on the verge of one of the biggest scientific breakthroughs in the history of mankind.

  Salem Saberhagen : How incredible!

  [to Sabrina] 

  Salem Saberhagen : You gonna finish that toast?

  Zelda Spellman : You know that formula I've been working on? I found the key ingredient.

  Sabrina Spellman : Liquorice?

  Zelda Spellman : Oh, don't be silly, Sabrina, liquorice won't cure allergies. It's ostrich saliva.

  Hilda Spellman : [to Sabrina]  The hard part is getting them to drool. Give me that.

  [Reaches for Zelda's beaker, which smashes on the floor; the entire room is suddenly spotless] 

  Sabrina Spellman : Wow! One drop of that and the whole kitchen is spotlessly clean!

  Hilda Spellman : I'll say! The walls, the table, the counters...

  Sabrina Spellman : Salem!

  Salem Saberhagen : [Salem has turned completely white]  I'm blonde! My IQ just dropped twenty points.

  Zelda Spellman : [Pointing at Sabrina, Hilda and herself]  Blonde, blonde, blonde.

  [Pointing at Salem] 

  Zelda Spellman : Dead.

• Salem Saberhagen : Man! This house is so spotless and germ free Howard Hughes could live here!

  Hilda Spellman : Zelda, if we could market this stuff, we'd make a fortune!

  Salem Saberhagen : Good luck! The FDA will never approve of ostrich saliva. Those pencil pushing bureaucrats have ruined many a dream.

  Hilda Spellman : Well, we could still sell it in the Other Realm. What do you say, Zeldy?

  Zelda Spellman : No. I made this formula to cure allergies and end suffering, not to whiten.

  Hilda Spellman : You ever cleaned a toilet? That's suffering! Besides, you said it didn't even cure allergies.

  Zelda Spellman : Yet! Medical breakthroughs take time, get off my back! This is why Pasteur broke up with you!

  [Leaves] 

  Hilda Spellman : He told me he had to work out stuff with his Mother!

  Salem Saberhagen : You gotta hand it to Zelda. She's a pillar of integrity.

  Hilda Spellman : Yeah. Let's steal her formula!

• Hilda Spellman : [Hilda and Salem have made a commercial for their new cleaning product]  Here it comes!

  Hilda Spellman : [On TV, holding up a stone]  This dungeon stone is white, but what would you call this one?

  [Holds up a whiter stone] 

  Salem Saberhagen : Bright!

  Hilda Spellman : Exactly! And that's why, for the next twenty minutes, we'll be telling you how you can get your house this clean with new Scientist-in-a-Drum!

  Salem Saberhagen : And now, here's Bruce Jenner to tell you more.

• Zelda Spellman : Is that all there is?

  Sabrina Spellman : [Some pieces of Libby are missing]  Box is empty, how can we be missing pieces?

  Quizmaster Albert : Didn't you read the fine print?

  [Hands the box over to Sabrina] 

  Sabrina Spellman : [Reading box]  Some pieces not included in box? What a rip-off!

  Quizmaster Albert : I guess you didn't see this either.

  [Gives Sabrina an hourglass] 

  Quizmaster Albert : Now if you don't find the missing pieces and put them in before the sand runs out, Libby will be a puzzle forever.

  Sabrina Spellman : What?

  Hilda Spellman : Boy! In the final analysis, the Libby puzzle isn't much fun, is it?

• Zelda Spellman : Sabrina, I don't think I told you this, but, in my opinion, your Democracy Daze float was the best.

  Sabrina Spellman : Thanks! It did turn out great.

  Zelda Spellman : It's going to stand as a monument to your creative talent and democratic spirit.

  Sabrina Spellman : Not really. When we got back to the school, the engine Harvey'd been working on blew up, and the whole thing burned to the ground.

  Hilda Spellman : Ever reminding us that democracy is a fragile thing.

• Hilda Spellman : [Hilda and Salem approach Zelda's lab]  The coast is clear! Operation "Find the Allergy Formula, That Also Cleans, Don't Get Caught and Make a Lot of Money" is underway.

  Salem Saberhagen : You start looking, and I'll start workin' on a shorter code name.