Rumpole of the Bailey (TV Series)

Rumpole a la Carte (1991)

Leo McKern: Horace Rumpole

Photos 

Quotes 

• Horace Rumpole : [groaning to himself]  Ohhh! His honour Judge Gerald Graves! Never a friend to Rumpole. He's looking at me now as though I were a porridge saucepan that hasn't washed up properly. No doubt he lives on a diet of organic bran, iced water, and colonic irrigation. The last person in the world to laugh this case out of court.

• Horace Rumpole : [talking about Hilda's cousin]  He's got as many jokes in him as the Dow-Jones Average.

  Elizabeth 'Mizz Liz' Probert : She's gone off with another man?

  Horace Rumpole : That's about the size of it.

  Elizabeth 'Mizz Liz' Probert : [being very sympathetic]  But Rumpole, why?

  Horace Rumpole : Because he is rich enough to be able to afford very small portions of food.

• Jean Pierre O'Higgins : What do you say then, Mr. Horace Rumpole? Will you take me on?

  Horace Rumpole : Well, I'll have to think about that.

  Jean Pierre O'Higgins : Be honest. Is it my personality that makes you hesitate? Do you find me objectionable, Mr. Rumpole?

  Horace Rumpole : Mr. O'Higgins, I find your restaurant pretentious and your portions skimpy. Your customers regale themselves in a dim religious atmosphere more fitting to evensong than a good night out. I find you an opinionated and self-satisfied bully. However, unlike you, I am on hire to even the most unattractive customer.

• Horace Rumpole : I often think that knowledge of the law is a bit of a handicap to a barrister.

• [Erskine-Brown's dinner guest, Tricia, starts screaming in panic and stands on her chair] 

  Horace Rumpole : [to Jean-Pierre O'Higgins, the restaurant owner]  I say, old darling, they have a live mouse on that table over there. Is that your specialité de la maison?

• [following the mouse incident, Rumpole and Mr Pinhorn watch Jean Pierre O'Higgins ingratiating himself to people in his restaurant] 

  Horace Rumpole : It's extraordinary, Mr Pinhorn, the power that can be wielded by one of the smaller rodents.

  Mr. Pinhorn : You mean, it's wrecked his business?

  Horace Rumpole : No, no, no. It's making Jean Pierre O'Higgins be *polite* to his customers.

• Samuel Ballard Q.C. : Henry, something extremely serious has happened.

  Horace Rumpole : Someone's nicked the nail brush out of the loo.

  Samuel Ballard Q.C. : [astounded]  How did you guess?

  Horace Rumpole : Well, that corresponds to your idea of something serious, Bollard.

• [Rumpole has successfully defended Jean Pierre O'Higgins after a live mouse was served in his restaurant. He plans to take Hilda out for dinner to celebrate her return home] 

  Horace Rumpole : I know a little place where we can get it on the mouse... house.