- Dick Martin: A Japanese freighter carrying a cargo of yo-yo's and bound for the United States, was rammed somewhere off Hawaii late today, and sank 137 times.
- Lily Tomlin: Listen, you must stay tuned for more of Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In, when Marlon Brando Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton and Barbra Streisand may also be watchin.
- Isaac Hayes: A lot of people ask me why I shave my head. That's because when I shave my feet... .
- [starts laughing]
- Isaac Hayes: ... I giggle!