- Romy Schneider: Now here's a Romy Schneider household hint: how to wash a dachshund. First, get a long bar of soap...
- Alan Sues: I'm gonna make a kite. What kind of paper should I use?
- Ruth Buzzi: Flypaper, silly!
- Alan Sues: Oh, cute.
- Byron Gilliam: Do you believe in sex before marriage?
- Jo Anne Worley: Oh, yes! But on the other hand, I wouldn't want to be late for the ceremony.
- Jo Anne Worley: Boris and I went to a nude group therapy session last night and we were having a wonderful time, until the group showed up.
- The Parson: I see no reason to doubt the parable about the lion lying down with the lamb. After all, it says nothing about the lamb getting up again.