Roseanne (TV Series)

Take My Bike, Please! (1991)

Roseanne Barr: Roseanne Conner

Quotes 

• D.J. : I haven't said anything in two days. Nobody's cared.

  Roseanne : Oh, that can't be.

  D.J. : Uh-huh. The last thing I said was "Cheerios".

• Roseanne : [on the phone with the bank about a loan payment check she "forgot" to sign]  ...Oh, oh you need the signature, I didn't know that... Ok, well let me tell you, I'll ah, leave here right away, I'm on my way, I'm in, I'm in a big hurry, and I'll be there in a couple of minutes... Okay, thank you.

  [hangs up] 

  Dan : What are you going to tell them once you get down there?

  Roseanne : How can I think about that now, Dan, when my tire blew, and I'm stuck in a ditch on route 49?... Coffee?

• Roseanne : [having a family meeting]  Now, here's what I see. Nothing's getting done around here because nobody takes any responsibility for anything, ok? So from now on, Becky, I'm leaving you in charge.

  Darlene : [grins sarcastically and raises her hand]  I have a problem with that.

  Roseanne : Tough.

  Darlene : So I'm just supposed to do whatever she says?

  Dan : We expect that you will listen to Becky the same way you listen to us.

  Becky : [raising her hand]  Um, now I have a problem.

• Roseanne : [Dan remarked that the kids taking care of themselves will be fine]  Are you insane, Dan? I just put Becky in charge. That's like putting Fredo in charge of the Corleone Family.

• Dan : [to Becky, about being in charge of D.J. while her parents work late]  And you will take care of your brother. You'll make sure that he washes himself, and that does his homework.

  Roseanne : [wagging her finger]  Yeah, and you make sure that he eats, too. Now, I'm gonna weigh that little boy every night... and if he looses more than two pounds, it's your butt! You got that?

• Roseanne : [desperately trying to sell a motorcycle]  What about you, Leon? You ever think about getting a motorcycle?

  Leon Carp : Roseanne! Name me one guy that doesn't picture themself on a big chopper, going down a country road, with the wind in his hair.

  Roseanne : 'Cause you know, we've got some really great bikes.

  Leon Carp : The answer is me, Roseanne, I'm the guy.

• Roseanne : Well, Dan, I tried everything I could think of today to sell a bike; I lied, I pushed, I nagged.

  Dan : Well, you went with your strengths, dear.

• Roseanne : How could they be so spoiled when we've given them absolutely nothing?