- Crystal Anderson: You know, Roseanne, I never imagined in my whole life, that I'd have you washing my hair.
- Roseanne Conner: Well, I always thought of holding your head under water, more than once.
- Dan Conner: I meant to say '*Good* job'. Good job.
- Roseanne Conner: No, it's not. It's not a good job, it's a degrading job, but nobody there makes me feel like it is.
- [Stands up to leave the dinner table]
- Roseanne Conner: That's *your* job.
- [Roseanne walks to her bedroom; Dan follows]
- Darlene Conner: Nice going, D.J.!
- D.J. Conner: [loudly] What?
- Jackie Harris: [comes in through the front door] Roseanne, you all ready to go?
- Roseanne Conner: [whining] I don't wa-haant to-o-o-o! I feel like a used piece of gum that somebody stuck under the table, just waiting for the excitement of drying up and hitting the floor.
- Roseanne Conner: I have reached an all-time low. I quit my job at Wellman, I didn't make it at phone sales, I get fired by some zit-faced brat at Chicken Devine. Now I am actually going in to apply for a job where in I make coffee, answer the phone, and sweep the floor.
- Jackie Harris: Yes, but those are all things that you do very, very, well.
- Roseanne Conner: [at her beauty salon job interview] Yea, well, you know, I just, I, I would just kinda like to think about it.
- Marsha: Think about what? If it's that miserable, you either quit, or I unload you!
- Roseanne Conner: Well, as long as there's some kind of humiliation at the end of the tunnel.
- Roseanne Conner: [around the dinner table] Actually I, I was kinda celebrating. I got a promotion.
- Dan Conner: Promotion? Promotion to what, 'shampoo girl'.
- [chuckles]
- Dan Conner: [Roseanne gives him a look] What?
- Roseanne Conner: ...Shampoo woman.
- Dan Conner: I stand corrected.
- Darlene Conner: You're a dead man.
- Roseanne: The mirror's all steamed up now, how am I meant to get ready for my stinking, lousy new career?
- Becky Conner: [to Roseanne] Susan Noonan said that her mother saw you sweeping up people's hair in the beauty parlor.
- Roseanne Conner: Well, you tell Susan Noonan that I saw her mom getting her roots bleached and her mustache waxed.
- Marsha: [to Roseanne] How do you like the job so far?
- Roseanne Conner: Well, it's just like being home, I make coffee, I answer the phone and I do laundry.
- Debbie: Roseanne, where are the clean towels?
- Roseanne Conner: And I listen to children whine.