Photos
Quotes
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Crystal Anderson : You know, Roseanne, I never imagined in my whole life, that I'd have you washing my hair.
Roseanne Conner : Well, I always thought of holding your head under water, more than once.
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Dan Conner : I meant to say '*Good* job'. Good job.
Roseanne Conner : No, it's not. It's not a good job, it's a degrading job, but nobody there makes me feel like it is.
[Stands up to leave the dinner table]
Roseanne Conner : That's *your* job.
[Roseanne walks to her bedroom; Dan follows]
Darlene Conner : Nice going, D.J.!
D.J. Conner : [loudly] What?
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Jackie Harris : [comes in through the front door] Roseanne, you all ready to go?
Roseanne Conner : [whining] I don't wa-haant to-o-o-o! I feel like a used piece of gum that somebody stuck under the table, just waiting for the excitement of drying up and hitting the floor.
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Roseanne Conner : I have reached an all-time low. I quit my job at Wellman, I didn't make it at phone sales, I get fired by some zit-faced brat at Chicken Devine. Now I am actually going in to apply for a job where in I make coffee, answer the phone, and sweep the floor.
Jackie Harris : Yes, but those are all things that you do very, very, well.
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Roseanne Conner : [at her beauty salon job interview] Yea, well, you know, I just, I, I would just kinda like to think about it.
Marsha : Think about what? If it's that miserable, you either quit, or I unload you!
Roseanne Conner : Well, as long as there's some kind of humiliation at the end of the tunnel.
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Roseanne Conner : [around the dinner table] Actually I, I was kinda celebrating. I got a promotion.
Dan Conner : Promotion? Promotion to what, 'shampoo girl'.
[chuckles]
Dan Conner : [Roseanne gives him a look] What?
Roseanne Conner : ...Shampoo woman.
Dan Conner : I stand corrected.
Darlene Conner : You're a dead man.
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Roseanne : The mirror's all steamed up now, how am I meant to get ready for my stinking, lousy new career?
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Becky Conner : [to Roseanne] Susan Noonan said that her mother saw you sweeping up people's hair in the beauty parlor.
Roseanne Conner : Well, you tell Susan Noonan that I saw her mom getting her roots bleached and her mustache waxed.
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Marsha : [to Roseanne] How do you like the job so far?
Roseanne Conner : Well, it's just like being home, I make coffee, I answer the phone and I do laundry.
Debbie : Roseanne, where are the clean towels?
Roseanne Conner : And I listen to children whine.
