Red Dwarf (TV Series)

Waiting for God (1988)

Craig Charles: Lister

Photos 

Quotes 

• [last lines] 

  Rimmer : Incredible. A stupendous moment in my personal history. The perfectly preserved remains of a Quagaar warrior.

  Lister : Yeah, right, Rimmer. Absolutely.

  Rimmer : They must have looked something like... a roast chicken.

  [end credits begin to roll, then freeze after a few seconds] 

  Rimmer : [voice over]  It's a garbage pod!

  [credits resume, and freeze again after a few seconds] 

  Rimmer : [voice over]  IT'S A SMEGGING GARBAGE POD!

• Lister : Six breasts? Imagine making love to a woman with six breasts!

  Rimmer : Imagine making love to a woman!

• Lister : They're just using religion as an excuse to be extremely crappy towards each other.

  Toaster : So, what else is new?

• Lister : I am your god.

  The Cat : Okay.

  [points at his bowl of Crispies] 

  The Cat : Turn this into a woman.

  Lister : I'm serious.

  The Cat : So am I.

• The Cat : If you're God, why that face?

  Lister : What's wrong with my face?

  The Cat : "What's wrong with your face"? It's upside down and inside out!

• Lister : Never mind this, tot. Where's the Cat?

  Rimmer : Tot?

  Lister : Tot.

  Rimmer : Tot?

  Lister : Tot.

  Rimmer : Tot?

  Lister : Tot!

  Lister : Tot!

  Rimmer : TOT?

  Lister : TOT!

  Rimmer : TOT? TOT? WE'LL SEE HOW TOTTY THIS IS, LADDIE. THE QUARATINE PEROID'S NEARLY UP... BASTARD!

• Toaster : What's the point of buying a toaster with artificial intelligence if you don't like toast?

  Lister : I do like toast.

  Toaster : This is my job. This is cruel, just cruel.

  Lister : Look, I'm busy.

  Toaster : Oh, you're not busy eating toast are you?

• [Rimmer's excited about his 'alien' discovery] 

  Rimmer : Lister are you awake? Lister?

  [right up to his face] 

  Rimmer : LISTER.

  Lister : What?

  Rimmer : Are you awake?

  Lister : Yeah.

  Rimmer : Hmm, I couldn't sleep either.

• Rimmer : You've got no right to go through my wardrobe.

  Lister : Ok, ok.

  [Starts laughing] 

  Lister : You keep your underpants on coat hangers, don't you?