Red Dwarf (TV Series)

Thanks for the Memory (1988)

Chris Barrie: Rimmer

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Rimmer is drunk] 

  Lister : What time is it?

  Rimmer : [Crawls over to the alarm clock]  Saturday.

  Lister : Is that the best you can do?

  Rimmer : There are some numbers next to it but they could be anything.

• Rimmer : I'm disciplined, I'm organized, I'm dedicated to my career, I've always got a pen. Result? Total smeghead despised by everyone except the ship's parrot. And that's only because we haven't got one. Why? Why is that?

• [Rimmer is drunk and determined to reveal how many times he's had sex] 

  Rimmer : Once.

  Lister : Smeg.

  Rimmer : One time only.

  Lister : [Covers his ears]  Don't tell me this Rimmer. You'll want to kill yourself in the mornin'.

  Rimmer : Yvonne McGruder. A single brief liaison with the ships female boxing champion. March 16, 7.31p.m to 7.43p.m.

  Lister : Please.

  Rimmer : Twelve minutes.

  Lister : Please.

  Rimmer : And that includes the time it took to eat the pizza.

  Lister : Please Rimmer.

  Rimmer : In my entire life, I've spent more time being sick.

• Rimmer : [very drunk]  I can't understand it. I've had so much to drink and it hasn't even afflicted me.

• Rimmer : [dramatically]  Somehow we've lost the last four days.

  The Cat : Did you look behind the fridge? If you lose something it's nearly always there.

  Rimmer : Aliens!

  Lister : What?

  The Cat : What are you talking about, grease stain?

  Rimmer : It's a well documented phenomenon. They kidnap you, give you a mind probe, erase your memory, and put you back.

  Lister : OK, aliens came aboard.

  Rimmer : Without question.

  Lister : They broke my leg.

  Rimmer : For some reason.

  The Cat : They broke MY leg.

  Rimmer : Right.

  Holly : And then they did a jigsaw.

  Rimmer : Right.

  Holly : Well, that's cleared that up then.

  Rimmer : Look, you're not thinking alien. That's what aliens are: alien. They do alien things. Things that are... alien. Maybe this is the way they communicate.

  The Cat : By breaking legs?

  Lister : And doing jigsaws?

  Rimmer : Why should they speak the way we do? They're aliens.

  Lister : OK, professor, what does it mean?

  Rimmer : Maybe, maybe, OK? Breaking your leg hurts like hell, OK? "Hel." They do it below the knee, "lo." "Hel-lo," gettit? They do it twice - twice, "two." "Hello two." And the jigsaw must mean "you." "Hello to you."

  [pause] 

  The Cat : I wouldn't like to be around when one of these suckers is making a speech!

  [Cat limps away] 

• Rimmer : So, a surfboard-foot-sized monster came aboard, did a jigsaw, drained our memories and broke a couple of legs, so what? Forgive and forget, that's what I say!

• [Rimmer is drunk] 

  Rimmer : I want a triple fried egg sandwich with...

  Lister : With chili sauce and chutney.

  Holly : You what?

  Lister : It's a state-of-the-art sarnie.

  Holly : It's the state of the floor I'm worried about. All right, okay.

  [the sarnie appears in Rimmer's hand] 

  Lister : Trust me.

  [several conflicting emotions cross Rimmer's face] 

  Rimmer : I think I'm having a baby.

  Lister : It's good, innit?

  Rimmer : It's incredible. Where did you get the recipe?

  Lister : I can't remember. I think it was a book on bacteriological warfare.

  Rimmer : It's like a cross between food and bowel surgery.