Red Dwarf (TV Series)

Pete: Part 1 (1999)

Craig Charles: Lister

Quotes 

• Lister : Who are you? What's your name?

  Birdman : [holding his sparrow]  They call me Birdman.

  Lister : Oh, aye? Why's that?

  Rimmer : [sarcastically]  Because he really likes instant custard! Why do you think?

• Lister : Looks like they've all frozen on the spot.

  Rimmer : Yvonne McGruder went like this when I tried to kiss her.

• Rimmer : Killcrazy's insane. He's always coming up with strange ideas. He reckons that if you go to the loo in a plane, it drops straight out. And that's why they don't let you go to the loo while the plane's still standing on the runway... for fear of skid starts.

  Lister : He's probably right.

  Rimmer : Course he isn't.

  Lister : Why else wouldn't they let you go, then?

  Rimmer : I don't know. They're probably helping you break up your journey. If they don't you go to the loo first off, you'll have nothing to do after you've eaten your cheese.

  Lister : No, Killcrazy's probably right. That's why houses on the flight path are always so cheap.

  Rimmer : 'Cos of all the flushing planes?

  Lister : Yeah. Well, think about it. You can't sunbathe, you can't have a barbecue, and every time you go out, you have to have a washable hat and leg it to your car.

  Rimmer : It's the noise. That's why houses on the flight path are always so cheap; 'cos of the noise.

  Lister : The noise?

  Rimmer : Yeah.

  Lister : They're half a mile up. You'll never be able to hear people in the loo from that distance. Not unless you are like my Uncle Dan.