Red Dwarf (TV Series)

Backwards (1989)

Chris Barrie: Rimmer

Photos 

Quotes 

• Rimmer : What jobs are there in a backwards reality for a dead hologram and an android with a head shaped like a novelty condom?

• [Kryten is taking a flying lesson on Starbug] 

  Kryten : I think there's something wrong with the gearbox. The thing is, I learned how to fly in Starbug 2. I'm not used to the controls on Starbug 1.

  Rimmer : They're exactly the same.

  Kryten : Yes. That's the problem.

• Lister : Look at the flip side of the coin, its not all good. Take someone, like say, Saint Francis of Assisi. In this universe he's a petty-minded little sadist who goes round maiming small animals! Or Santa Claus, what a bastard!

  Rimmer : Eh?

  Lister : He's just a big fat git who sneaks down chimneys and steals all the kids' favourite toys!

• Rimmer : Once you get over the initial shock, things actually make a lot more sense this way round. There's no death here. You start off dead, you have a funeral, then you come to life. As each year passes, you get younger and younger until you become a newborn baby. Then you go back inside your mother, who goes back inside her mother, and so on, until eventually we all become one glorious whole.

  Lister : Rimmer, you already are one glorious hole.

• Kryten : If people see my face, what are they going to think?

  Rimmer : Tell them you had an accident. Tell them you took your car to the crusher's and forget to get out.

• Rimmer : You're travelling half the speed of light, what is the stopping distance?

  Kryten : 4 years, 3 months.

  Rimmer : And the thinking time?

  Kryten : A fortnight.

• Rimmer : I'm telling you, things are better this way. It's our universe that's the wrong way round.

  Kryten : Take war. War is a wonderful thing here. In 50 years time, the Second World War will start, backwards!

  The Cat : And that's a good thing?

  Kryten : Millions of people will come to life. Hitler will retreat across Europe, liberate France and Poland, disband the Third Reich and bog off back to Austria.

• [they're about to leave the backwards version of Earth] 

  Rimmer : Where's the Cat?

  Lister : He won't be long, he's, you know, in the bushes.

  [a few moments later Rimmer and Lister realise what's going to happen] 

  Lister : We've got to stop him!

  [the Cat pops up from the bushes with a disgusted look on his face. He staggers over to them] 

  The Cat : Don't ask.