Queer as Folk (TV Series)

The Art of Desperation (2001)

Gale Harold: Brian Kinney

Quotes 

• Michael : [looking at the drawing of Brian]  I think the artist has taken some liberties.

  Brian : Well, it's a perfect likeness.

  Michael : Come on, it was never that big.

  Brian : Hey, you haven't seen it in a long time.

  Michael : I haven't seen "Gone With The Wind" in a long time either, but I know it's still three and half hours.

• Emmett Honeycutt : [Emmett meets David for the first time.]  Oh my God. That guy over there looks exactly like Matthew McConaughey. Maybe he smokes pot, naked.

  [to David] 

  Emmett Honeycutt : Excuse me!

  Dr. David Cameron : [laughs]  He doesn't hold anything back.

  Michael : He was toning it down for you.

  Brian : [sits on Michael's lap]  Where the fuck have you been?

  Michael : Brian, this is David.

  Brian : Oh, fuck me, the new beau!

  Dr. David Cameron : I've heard a lot about you.

  Brian : I've heard a lot about you too. Sixteen right, eleven left?

  Dr. David Cameron : Excuse me?

  Michael : Nothing.

  [to Brian] 

  Michael : You're tweaked, what are you on?

  Brian : Oh, E, K, G.H.B. Most of the letters on "Sesame Street".

  Michael : You'll get dehydrated, taking all that shit. I'm gonna get you some water.

  [to David] 

  Michael : You want a beer?

  Dr. David Cameron : Sure.

  [Michael leaves] 

  Dr. David Cameron : You've got him well trained.

  Brian : Well, he takes care of me, and I take care of him. So, Doc, do you fuck all of your patients?

  Dr. David Cameron : Well, if you're referring to Michael I released him from my care, before we went out together. What about you? What do you do?

  Brian : Advertising.

  Dr. David Cameron : Well, you must know a thing or two about screwing people yourself.

  Brian : Yeah, I could do it in my sleep.

  Dr. David Cameron : I bet you could.

• Michael : I totally blew it.

  Brian : Don't worry, there's still plenty of creepy, old man out there who'd love to get in your pants.

  Michael : He wasn't that old. He wasn't creepy; he was nice. First doctor...

  Brian : Chiropractor.

  Michael : That counts. I think.

  [they are interrupted by the owner of the comic bookstore.] 

  Comic Store Worker : Ah... We got in the new "Catwoman".

  Michael : Cool!

  [the guy walks away after showing Michael the comic book.] 

  Michael : He takes me this really nice restaurant, I behave like a fucking idiot, dressed up like some slick asshole.

  Brian : Hey! That was my twelve hundred dollar leather jacket.

  Michael : It wasn't me. You know why, Because I'm nobody. That's my problem.

  [Brian is checking out the owner of the shop.] 

  Michael : Are you even listening to me?

  Brian : I tune out self-pity, it makes my dick soft. And we wouldn't want that, would we?

  Michael : Just forget I said anything. Oh, wow! Look, it's the new Eletra Woman doll. I'm gonna buy this for Gus.

  Brian : Don't. I don't want a gay kid.

  Michael : He's being raised by two lesbians. He's going to need a feminine influence. Besides, it'll be a collector's item.

• Brian : [Brian knocks on the door. Melanie opens it, and a doll greets her.]  I got something for Gus.

  Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : [laughing]  That's so sweet. We'll call Michael later to thank him.

  Lindsay 'Linz' Peterson : How long have you been drawing?

  Justin Taylor : My Mom brought me crayons when I was still in the crib. I never stopped.

  Brian : What's he doing here?

  Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : We ran into each other on the street.

  Justin Taylor : It was like this weird coincidence.

  Brian : I bet.

  Lindsay 'Linz' Peterson : [looking at Justin's drawings]  You know, these are good!

  Justin Taylor : That's what my Mother says.

  Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : Lindsay's an art teacher.

  Lindsay 'Linz' Peterson : For someone your age, you have an amazing feel for the human form.

  Brian : I've noticed that myself.

  [throws a teddy bear at Justin] 

• Lindsay 'Linz' Peterson : You know, there's going to be an art show at G.L.C.

  Justin Taylor : What's that?

  Brian : The Gay and Lesbian Center.

  [Justin frowns.] 

  Brian : Safe haven for fags who can't get laid.

• Brian : Good. Give him some activity so he'll stop stalking me.

  [throws the bear at him again] 

  Justin Taylor : Don't flatter yourself.

  Melanie 'Mel' Marcus : [laughs]  Oh, we like Justin. Justin can stay.

  Lindsay 'Linz' Peterson : We'll make sure everyone comes.

  [to Brian] 

  Lindsay 'Linz' Peterson : including you.

  Brian : Bitch.

• Brian : Fuck groups.

  Lindsay 'Linz' Peterson : I thought you did.

  Brian : Occasionally. But it's by invitation... only.

• Brian : Aren't I always looking out for you?

  Michael : You're just jealous because somebody finally thinks I'm hot or something.

  Brian : You are hot or something. I've been telling you that since you were fourteen, but you won't believe me.

  [and then Brian kisses Michael on the lips.] 

• Brian : [to Justin and Daphne]  Oh, look, it's the cast of "Zoom".

  Daphne Chanders : We're celebrating. Justin sold some of his art today.

  Justin Taylor : The one of you... naked.

  Michael : Who'd buy that?

  Emmett Honeycutt : Probably some desperate queen who's always pined for you.

  Brian : Oh, Ted, how thoughtful.