- Bill Maher: You look great, by the way. Have you lost weight?
- Jiminy Glick: Do you know what, I'll, I'll tell you something...
- Bill Maher: Because I think you found it again.
- [Jiminy laughs]
- Jiminy Glick: I'm not trying to brag or anything, but my lady and I have been together for twenty-three wonderful years. We have a very active sexual life. Sometimes, four or five, y'know...
- Bill Maher: Times a year?
- Jiminy Glick: ...Pops a week.
- Bill Maher: That's great. I always thought it was a whole front, that you were gay, but that's... y'know, just what I've heard.
- Jiminy Glick: Why- isn't that interesting, coming from a forty-four year old bachelor.
- Jiminy Glick: I loved all the different catchphrases you do, like, uh, um... I wanna say, I wanna say "I pity the fool", but that was Mr. T.
- Steve Martin: This is an exciting interview. When do we get to a question?
- Jiminy Glick: I don't get- are you doing more of your "irony" humor?
- Steve Martin: Yes, actually. I'm sorry.
- Jiminy Glick: And do you think that's what's kept you out of the big, big money?
- Steve Martin: Well, it keeps your work at a certain level of, of, of being "good" but not "VERY good", and I think that's a great place to be.
- Jiminy Glick: I would think that when you do jokes, you want people to respond and laugh.
- Steve Martin: Mm-hmm. Sometimes they do, when it's a different type of... person.
- Jiminy Glick: A different person, a different type of audience, an audience, let's say, uh, more with booze on their breath.
- Steve Martin: No. I think of it as a... smarter crowd.
- Jiminy Glick: Who?
- Steve Martin: The audience, for example, that would get my humor, is more, uh...
- Jiminy Glick: De Kooning.
- [Steve gives an attentive look]
- Jiminy Glick: Who's De Kooning?
- Steve Martin: Uh, De Kooning is an important American painter- did you see the movie "Pollock"?
- [Jiminy looks clueless]
- Steve Martin: About the American painter Poll- did you see the movie "Lust for Life"?
- [another glazed over look from Jiminy]
- Steve Martin: Did you see the movie "The Agony and the Ecstasy", about Michaelangelo?
- Jiminy Glick: I saw "Madame X" with Lana Turner, and in the background there was a wonderful abstract painting that everyone pretended to care about, and I think that that was a De Kooning.
- Steve Martin: I've hardly talked about my movie.
- Jiminy Glick: Oh yes, what were you here promoting?
- Steve Martin: [pause] Oh, actually, it was a website.
- Jiminy Glick: And what's the website, Steve Martin? Wha, where, how can we find what your latest thing is?
- Steve Martin: Uh, just adultdiapers.com.
- Jiminy Glick: Now, I don't wanna be indiscreet, but can you actually do a "stinky" and then go out publicly?
- Steve Martin: ...In the adult diapers, you mean?
- Jiminy Glick: Yes.
- Steve Martin: I never asked, really. I, I...
- Jiminy Glick: So you endorse...
- Steve Martin: It's probably on the label somewhere.
- Jiminy Glick: Well why did you think people are wearing adult diapers? To give them bulk at that age? I think they've got it.
- Steve Martin: No, I think it's just a convenience. Sometimes you can't find a restroom, you might be on a date, and why pull over?
- Jiminy Glick: But that's where, the, the question mark around the word "stinky". Can you do a "stinky" in them. Because if you can't, what's the point of them? Because ANYONE can just pee their pants; I did it five minutes ago.
- [Steve chuckles]
- Jiminy Glick: Never felt better, never felt freer. But to do a "stinky" while talking to a big Oscar kind-of-considered actor through the years, wouldn't that be a mistake? And wouldn't I feel liberated by wearing an adult diaper? Adult diapers to be free to do a "stinky".
- Steve Martin: [laughs] Oh, Jiminy... Jiminy...
- Jiminy Glick: Well, it's my opinion. I've been talking to the wonderful Steve Martin! He's fun. All right, Steve, thanks.
- Steve Martin: Thank you.
- Jiminy Glick: You know what?
- [taps Steve with his rolled-up newspaper]
- Jiminy Glick: I've gotta go, because all this talk of what we were talkin' about before... mmm...