Poirot (TV Series)

Problem at Sea (1989)

Hugh Fraser: Captain Hastings

Photos 

Quotes 

• Hercule Poirot : Oh, Hastings, Hastings.

  Captain Hastings : What?

  Hercule Poirot : Whatever is the use of me introducing you to nice young ladies if all you do is talk about the shooting of the clay pigeons?

  Captain Hastings : But I like it. You heard what Miss Henderson said. She'd like to talk about it tomorrow.

  Hercule Poirot : Oh, Hastings, Hastings, Hastings.

• Hercule Poirot : Monsieurs, Madames. What I am about to do might surprise you a little. You'll probably think of me as eccentric-perhaps mad. You might say, "the little Belgian is taking leave from his rocker", huh? But I must assure you, that behind my madness is, what you English say... method.

  [Poirot lifts the cover of the hidden object on the table; revealing a small, simple, leather suitcase] 

  Hercule Poirot : [sotto voce]  Voila! A suitcase!

  [slightly sarcastic] 

  Hercule Poirot : How interesting!

  [normal] 

  Hercule Poirot : Of course, nothing's interesting about suitcases.

  [chuckles] 

  Hercule Poirot : But you may know that suitcases... have contents.

  [Poirot opens the suitcase very slowly but full of anticipation; the audience of the passengers watch in expectation. Poirot opens the lid, gasps slightly and slowly lifts up the object in the suitcase... which is revealed to be a cute, porcelain doll] 

  Mrs Tolliver : [smiling; recognizing]  Why... It's a doll!

  Hercule Poirot : Ah! Yes, a doll. Now, this doll... is an important witness to the truth of the death of Madame Clapperton.

  [pause] 

  Hercule Poirot : But how does it know? It is a doll. But THIS is a doll...

  [sotto voce] 

  Hercule Poirot : ...That can speak!

  [Poirot makes the doll turn towards him, so that their faces are parallel from one another and their noses are two inches apart; the passengers look at him as if he had lost his mind, slightly disturbed] 

  Hercule Poirot : [he senses the passengers disbelief and quickly turns to them; rapid fire speech]  You never seen dolls that could speak?

  [normal voice] 

  Hercule Poirot : Of course, you have!

  Hercule Poirot : [as he slowly and gently puts the doll back in the suitcase]  All we need to do is to put the doll back into the suitcase, where she cannot be seen... She doesn't want to be seen; this little lady.

  [to the concealed doll in the suitcase] 

  Hercule Poirot : Can you hear me, mon poupée?

  Ismene : [as the doll's voice]  Aye!

  Hercule Poirot : [speaking loudly yet slowly]  Now, Can you tell us... about the death... of Madame Clapperton?

  Ismene : [imitating Madame Clapperton]  What is it, John? The Door's locked... I don't want to be disturbed by the stewards.

  Colonel John Clapperton : [he begins to twitch his eyes and hyperventilate; he glares at Poirot, who glares at him back sternly; revealing the Col. Clapperton is the murderer]  You!

  [He bolts forward] 

  Captain Hastings : [as he and Bates stop the enraged Col. Clapperton from reaching Poirot]  Stop him!

  Colonel John Clapperton : [after being restrained; he glares at the stern Poirot; finally caught; snarling with hatred]  YES.

• Hercule Poirot : What about Mademoiselle Henderson?

  Captain Hastings : Really? No.

  Hercule Poirot : Oh, I think perhaps she has the motive, no?

  Captain Hastings : She's a lady, Poirot.

  Hercule Poirot : And you think, mon ami, that ladies do not commit murder?

  Captain Hastings : Ladies don't get found out.

• [first lines] 

  Captain Hastings : The whole art of clay pigeon shooting lies in the timing. Trick is, when I say "Pull"...

  [Pamela pulls the release] 

  Captain Hastings : No.

  [He shoots twice] 

  Captain Hastings : Sorry. My fault, should have warned you there.

  Pamela Cregan : Weren't you ready?

  Captain Hastings : No no, it's all right.

• Captain Hastings : [upon seeing Skinner selling Mrs. Clapperton's jewelry to several Arabs at a red-light market place]  Oh no, you don't!

  [Hastings rushes over and tackles Skinner; he then forces Skinner to let go of whatever he is holding] 

  Captain Hastings : I would like to ask you a few questions, if I'm very much mistaken.

  [the object Skinner is holding falls out of his palm, revealing to be Mrs. Clapperton's headband]