- Mark Corrigan: Right now, April's probably getting chatted up by some student who's also worked out she's got the magical combo of beauty and low self-esteem!
- Super Hans: [hands Jeremy a bar of chocolate after leaving a shop] There you go, free munchies.
- Jeremy Usborne: Did you just nick this?
- Super Hans: 'Course I did. They should be paying me to eat this shit.
- Jeremy Usborne: Wow, free choco. Mmm, tasty.
- Super Hans: The secret ingredient is crime.
- Jeremy Usborne: Oh, this is all bollocks, Mark. You don't belong here with the pointy-heads. Tell them. Go on, tell them.
- Mark Corrigan: Tell them what? That I'm a hard working mature student?
- Jeremy Usborne: He's not a mature student, he's been a Loan Manager for the last five years, he lives with me and he eats ready-meals, and we play "Guess the Revels" and we watch Men in Black in front of our massive telly and we have a fucking good time.
- Professor MacLeish: Loan Manager?
- Mark Corrigan: I, I manage my... student loan. I manage... on it.
- Mark Corrigan: I'm looking for someone who helped me... er, April. I'm a friend and...
- Shoe Shop Manager: You're a friend of April's?
- Mark Corrigan: Yeah, what is this, the third degree?
- Shoe Shop Manager: No, it's just, obviously April's at university now.
- Mark Corrigan: Ah, of course, of course she is. We were talking about that last time I saw her. OK, thanks.
- [voiceover]
- Mark Corrigan: Do a Columbo. Do a Columbo.
- [as Mark is leaving he stops and slowly turns around, wagging his finger, copying Columbo's "Just one more thing" trick]
- Mark Corrigan: Just... remind me. Which university was it, April's gone to again?
- Shoe Shop Manager: Dartmouth.
- Mark Corrigan: Dartmouth. Of course, Dartmouth. Thanks.
- [voiceover]
- Mark Corrigan: Good old Columbo. Just the one technique of course, but still shits on Quincy.
- Jeremy Usborne: I can't believe we're going back to Dartie! There's no quim likes to party...
- Mark Corrigan: Like the quim down in the Dartie. Yeah, those were the days. Did you ever appeal about your degree mark?
- Jeremy Usborne: Who cares about that shit? I didn't go to university to get a degree.
- Mark Corrigan: No, of course. Anyway, no use regretting the past, I wish I'd done Ancient History, but...
- Jeremy Usborne: I thought you did do Ancient History.
- Mark Corrigan: I did Business Studies, Jeremy, for three years. And I talked to you about it daily.
- Jeremy Usborne: Right.
- [voiceover]
- Jeremy Usborne: I could tell him that's all ancient history now. He probably wouldn't like that joke.
- [to Mark]
- Jeremy Usborne: Oh well, that's all ancient history now.
- [Mark isn't amused]
- Jeremy Usborne: Stealing things just makes everything very cheap. Plus, you know how I feel about capitalism.
- Mark Corrigan: Yes, confused!
- Jeremy Usborne: So, you all look pretty happy being students. Well, I've got news for you, the shit-storm is coming. That's the real world out there and let me tell you, baby, it is fucked.
- Professor MacLeish: Is that what Dr Chomsky and Michael Moore have been telling you, in lieu of a degree?
- Mark Corrigan: Love your room.
- April: Thanks. It's your basic undergraduate lunge for individuality.
- [Nods to a "Betty Blue" poster]
- April: I've not even seen Betty Blue. Have you?
- Mark Corrigan: Oh yeah. Great sex-and-suicide flick, turned a whole generation of men onto girls with mental illness.