- Charlie Salinger: Making up stories, writing them. It comes so naturally to you. You're a really good writer, Jule. And look, I'm not the best advice-giver or anything, but... I really think, whatever happens, you shouldn't give up writing. I mean, if you want to not get straight A's, I can understand. But, whatever you do, you should write about it.
- Charlie Salinger: What are you doing?
- Claudia Salinger: I wanna help.
- Julia Salinger: You'll hurt your hands.
- Claudia Salinger: But, Charlie, you asked me!
- Charlie Salinger: What was I thinking about? A big star like you?
- Bailey Salinger: Besides, an artist needs her sleep.
- Claudia Salinger: It's okay. I don't care.
- Julia Salinger: Go to bed, Claud.
- Charlie Salinger: You owe it to your public.
- [Claudia walks out]
- Charlie Salinger: Too mean?
- Julia Salinger, Bailey Salinger: Nah!
- Charlie Salinger: I really, really need your help. What do you say?
- Claudia Salinger: Sorry. Too risky.
- Charlie Salinger: [to Julia and Bailey] You know, you can't buy love like that.
- [first lines]
- Bailey Salinger: I think your mom should go away more often. Do you think you can arrange that?
- Kate Bishop: See what I can do.
- Julia Salinger: Claudia, get out here now.
- Claudia Salinger: Julia, I have a performance tomorrow. I need my rest.
- Julia Salinger: And Thurber needs his walk, which it was your turn to give him.
- Claudia Salinger: Who says I didn't?
- Julia Salinger: A poop in the middle of the living room floor, that's who! Now, get out here and clean it up now!
- Claudia Salinger: What are you, nuts? Poop is nothing but bacteria.