NewsRadio (TV Series)

Super Karate Monkey Death Car (1997)

Dave Foley: Dave Nelson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dave : Did you commit any crime that was not SAT related?

  Lisa : I broke into the library.

  Beth : To vandalize it?

  Lisa : No, I had a big history test, and my only copy at home of the Federalist Papers was abridged.

• Dave : I'm afraid to ask, but what was your federal offense?

  Lisa : Breaking and entering.

  Dave : That's not a federal offense.

  Lisa : It is if it's a post office.

  Dave : Oh, Lisa.

  Lisa : I had to find out the scores to my SATs, and it was a long weekend.

• Andrea : Now, Dave, I bet you've never even thought about shoplifting.

  Dave : I have so shop-

  [polygraph machine buzzes] 

  Andrea : Aren't you the cutest thing?

  Dave : I'm not the cutest thing.

  [polygraph machine buzzes] 

• Matthew : Dave, when am I getting my job back?

  Dave : You have to have patient, Matthew. We're doing the best we can.

  Matthew : Well, I'm doing my part.

  Dave : I know. Unfortunately, that is precisely what got you fired in the first place.

• Jimmy : Do you think Ernest Hemmingway ever had a book reading that was that bad?

  Dave : I don't think Margeaux Hemmingway ever had a book reading that was that bad.

• Lisa : They shouldn't even call it a test if you can't get an A+ on it.

  Dave : Maybe they'll hand out gold stars.

  Lisa : Gold stars are for babies.

• Jimmy : [Looking in Dave's desk]  Dave, whatever happened to that photo of your mother?

  Dave : Can you believe someone stole it?

  Jimmy : [Smiling]  Oh, right.

• Beth : I don't test well. Everyone knows standardized tests are fundamentally racist.

  Dave : Beth, I know your parents should have talked about this, but...

  Beth : I know I'm white. I'm just not white like you, Dave.

• Joe : I have a copy of the test.

  Dave : Excellent. Now Dean Wormer can't put Delta House on probation.

• Joe : It's a polygraph test.

  Dave : Polygraph? You mean a lie detector?

  Joe : Sure, if you want to sound like an idiot.