- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Gibbs? What did Ducky look like when he was younger?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [straight-faced] Illya Kuryakin.
- [Ducky has discovered that the identity of butchered bodies are people associated with a trial he was also associated with]
- Jimmy Palmer: Are you scared, Dr. Mallard?
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Madame Curie, one of the world's most brilliant thinkers, once said, "There is nothing in life to be feared, it is only to be understood." I think it safe to say that Madame Curie never set her eyes on a meat puzzle. Yes I'm scared... scared as hell.
- [after being introduced multiple times]
- Mrs. Victoria Mallard: Who are you?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I'm Tony DiNozzo. The Italian-gigolo-furniture mover?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [a particularly uncooperative mother of a suspect is blocking a doorway] I have the right to break down that door, and *anything* in my way.
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Mother, may I present Caitlin? She works with Tony.
- [Mrs. Mallard spits at Kate]
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Mother! We talked about this! Caitlin is here to protect us.
- Mrs. Victoria Mallard: Show me your knickers!
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Uh... ma'am?
- Mrs. Victoria Mallard: Your underwear, missy! One can always tell a woman's intention from her panties.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: That's always been my philosophy.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [on being assigned continued protection detail at Ducky's house] Boss, I just spent the last six hours playing furniture mover to this slightly demented old lady and her pack of yapping hounds!
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: They're not hounds, DiNozzo! They're corgis.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: No, boss! *No, boss*! I'm on the verge, man! McGee?
- [Gibbs and McGee drive away]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Boss...? I'm going to go postal! I'm not kidding, I'm this close!
- [He turns and sees Mrs. Mallard's corgis lined up on the porch, staring at him]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [grins madly] Here's Tony!
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: [Ducky introduces his corgi] Oh, that's Tyson.
- Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Because he thinks he's a boxer?
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: No, because he bites.
- Abby Sciuto: Gibbs you scared me!
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Come on Abs, you sleep in a casket dressed in a funeral gown.
- Abby Sciuto: I don't always wear the gown.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Too much information.