Christopher Jacot: Alex Bellows

Quotes 

• Max Asher : I'm getting older. I just had a... a dizzy spell. I'm fine.

  Alex Bellows : What did the doctor say.

  Max Asher : Open wide and say "ah."

• Alex Bellows : What's with the smile?

  Max Asher : [chuckles]  It... it's almost second nature to you. Have you listened to yourself? You talked to Apollo. Now you're going to Egypt. I spend half my life studying wall paintings and hieroglyphics, but you're gonna BE there. You're gonna meet the gods or the pharaohs. It's quite an adventure.

  Alex Bellows : Well, I'd trade places with you.

  Max Asher : [suddenly downcast]  No, I-I don't think you would.

• Alex Bellows : [still winging an impromptu speech as Osiris]  This was one small step for a god, and one giant step for Egyptian-kind!

  Cleo Bellows : What did I say? You're a hit!

  Alex Bellows : [to the crowd]  I'm the king of the world, huh?

• Alex Bellows : They like me. They really like me.

• Alex Bellows : How do they do that?

  Cleo Bellows : Oh, trained from birth.

  Isis : Chosen from heaven.

  Cleo Bellows : Or that.

• Cleo Bellows : That's the goddess Isis. She's Osiris's wife.

  Alex Bellows : I could like that.

  Cleo Bellows : [as Alex and Isis kiss]  She's also his sister.

  Alex Bellows : [a little repelled]  Mmm! Okay.

  Cleo Bellows : Well, it's not that weird. Lots of royalty does it, you know, trying to keep the bloodlines pure. Uh, Egyptian gods, the Greek gods, Hapsburg princes. They all did it.

  Alex Bellows : Yeah. It's just a little creepy.

  Cleo Bellows : Well, I'm not arguing that point.

• Set : [as Alex gets measured]  The entire garment will be crafted from the finest linen and threaded with pure gold.

  Alex Bellows : Wow.

  Tailor : My king, shoulders back, if you please.

  Set : It'll be studded from neck to hemline with the rarest of jewels imported from Nubia by skiff.

  Alex Bellows : You're gonna let me wear this thing? I promise I won't spill anything on it.

• Alex Bellows : Well, I can tell you one more thing I'm gonna bring to this world - cargo pants, so we don't have to wear these skirts anymore.

  Alex Bellows : [seeing no reaction]  It's a... it's a joke.

• [Anubis asks Uncle Osiris/Alex to read to him but Alex/Osiris can't read hieroglyphics, which he/Osiris invented, so...] 

  Alex Bellows : Once upon a time, in a faraway land, their lived a poor shepherd boy called Anubis. He lived with his uncle and aunt, who mistreated him, but what Anubis didn't know, he would be one day destined to take over the rebellion that would take over the evil empire - because Anubis was a Jedi Knight.

• Cleo Bellows : Well, according to some versions of the myth, Orisis was actually Anubis's father.

  Alex Bellows : Oh, man. Don't tell me Nephthys is my sister, too.

• Cleo Bellows : Look, just be careful of Set, okay? He really has it in for Osiris.

  Alex Bellows : Yeah, well, if Osiris is having babies with his wife, I don't blame him. Who needs that kind of soap opera?

  Cleo Bellows : He's always been jealous of you. I mean, it's not just about Anubis. He hates everything you do.

  Alex Bellows : Are we talking Jan and Marcia Brady jealous or Cain and Abel?

• Cleo Bellows : Oh, no...

  Alex Bellows : Okay, can we just make a rule right now: whoever stays in the study does not say "Oh, no" in that tone of voice?

• Alex Bellows : Why don't you go and try to attack your father for once?

  Anubis : No.

  Alex Bellows : Why not?

  Anubis : He doesn't scream for his life like you do.

• Alex Bellows : [forced to give an impromptu speech as Osiris]  Friends, Egyptians, countrymen... uh... I... I have... a dream... that... my children...

  Alex Bellows : [to wife]  If I have any, right?

  [wife shakes he head] 

  Alex Bellows : ...uh... uh... will one day live in an Egypt where they will be judged by the content of their character and not by the... by the funny-looking animals that they wear on their heads, huh? That's right.

  Cleo Bellows : [back in the study, enjoying his discomfort as the crowd cheers]  God, you suck.

  Alex Bellows : [under his breath through a forced smile]  Ah, just a little help here would be great.

  Cleo Bellows : No way. This is too good. I mean, don't worry about it. You're a god. They're gonna love you whatever you say.