My Family (TV Series)
You Don't Know Jack (2004)
Robert Lindsay: Ben Harper
Quotes
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Ben Harper : I don't get it. Why does Michael want to hang around with swotty, four-eyed Hubert?
Susan Harper : Because he's swotty, four-eyed Michael.
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Ben Harper : Yeah, when I was his age, I used to hang around with the fast, cool crowd.
Susan Harper : Oh, right. The ones that made you eat your own balaclava?
Ben Harper : Yeah!
Susan Harper : Didn't they also flush your conkers down the loo?
Ben Harper : Oh, the lads! The lads, oh! Those were the days!
Susan Harper : And trick you into kissing a golden retriever?
Ben Harper : [Looking crestfallen] It wasn't a trick. And I enjoyed it!
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Ben Harper : You're a hard woman to please.
Susan Harper : How would you know? You've never tried.
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Ben Harper : Which maniac parked his car seat at the foot of the stairs? I could've been killed!
Susan Harper : Were you?
Ben Harper : No, not quite.
Susan Harper : Then shut up and stop fussing. Janey's here.
Ben Harper : Oh, *that* maniac!
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Ben Harper : [about Janey] She's with Abi giving fashion advice.
Susan Harper : Oh, great. The blonde leading the bonkers.
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Susan Harper : So it doesn't matter to you that he's tried to get off with your wife?
Ben Harper : Susan, you know, it's normal! It's a phase teenagers go through - you know, having a crush on a much, much older woman.
Susan Harper : [Gives Ben a stern look]
Ben Harper : Of course, I'd fancy you if I was him.
Susan Harper : That's sweet.
Ben Harper : Yeah, at 17, you'd fancy anything. I suppose you can't help being flattered by the attentions of a young stud, but believe me... come on! At that age... a tick-infested sheep in a rainstorm can begin to look attractive!
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Michael Harper : [after being given a wedgie by his bullies] Happy now?
Ben Harper : Yes, thanks.
[to Susan]
Ben Harper : Wedgie.
Susan Harper : What's a wedgie?
Ben Harper : [Slowly gives Susan a wedgie without her realising]
Susan Harper : ARGH!