My Family (TV Series)

The Second Greatest Story Ever Told (2002)

Gabriel Thomson: Michael Harper

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Ben : I know a lot of you out there are thinking that periodonture can be very boring subject, but in fact I'm here to tell you that it can be ve-very, mmmm, Michael, Michael, Michael, what's a hip word for "hip"?

  Michael : There is no hip word for "hip". Hip hasn't been "hip" for years.

  Ben : Yo, I'm jiggy with it.

  Michael : I told you to stop watching MTV.

• Nick : [dressed up as Jesus]  Save me some of that cereal, or else.

  Michael : Or else what?

  Nick : I'll send you to Hell.

  Michael : I live here. You think Hell is a threat to me?

• Michael : [Trying to get his ex-girlfriend back]  She doesn't even know I'm alive.

  Janey Harper : Well, first, you've got to get her to notice you.

  Michael : How do you do that?

  Janey Harper : Why don't you sleep with her best friend?

  Michael : Her best friend is her pony.

  Janey Harper : The point is you've got to make her jealous. OK? Just find a girl to pretend she likes you. Or in your case, pay her.

• Michael : Abi, would you pretend to be my girlfriend?

  Abi Harper : That is disgusting!

  Michael : Why? Because we're related?

  Abi Harper : No, because you're a geek!