My Family (TV Series)

The Second Greatest Story Ever Told (2002)

Robert Lindsay: Ben Harper

Photos 

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Ben : I know a lot of you out there are thinking that periodonture can be very boring subject, but in fact I'm here to tell you that it can be ve-very, mmmm, Michael, Michael, Michael, what's a hip word for "hip"?

  Michael : There is no hip word for "hip". Hip hasn't been "hip" for years.

  Ben : Yo, I'm jiggy with it.

  Michael : I told you to stop watching MTV.

• Ben : You've knocked out my tooth.

  Nick : I told you to have faith in me.

  Ben : It's the wrong tooth!

  [starts strangling nick] 

• [about Nick] 

  Ben : Why did we have him?

  Susan Harper : Because I didn't know that a quickie meant that you'd be that fast.

• [Nick walks in dressed up as Jesus] 

  Ben : Oh, my God.

  Nick : No dad, it's me, Nick.

• Susan Harper : Honestly, Ben, you have no appreciation for the arts.

  Ben : I love Jackie Chan.

  Susan Harper : Martial arts don't count!

• Susan Harper : Honestly, Ben, I don't know why you're being such a baby about seeing the dentist.

  Ben : Look, other dentists don't have my people skills and gentle touch.

  Susan Harper : Other dentists don't start their check-ups with the words 'Is it safe?' So you plan to live the rest of your life in pain?

  Ben : Worked for me so far.

• Nick : Has anyone seen the keys to our car?

  Ben : It is not our car! It is *my* car!

  Nick : Fine. Has anyone seen the keys to *my* car?

• Ben : [Teasing Nick, who's on his way to a job interview]  What makes you think a bank will even consider you?

  Nick : Well, my last job running the financial planning department of a major investment firm might qualify me.

  Ben : Nick, your last job was at Pizza Hut.

  Nick : Yeah, but they don't know that!

• Ben : [after Susan switches off the TV]  Oi! Oi! I was watching that!

  Susan Harper : I've seen it!

  Ben : I haven't!

  Susan Harper : Honestly, Ben, do you want to waste your life away in front of the telly or talk to me about my audition?

  Ben : Who says they're mutually exclusive?

• Nick : [Complaining about Susan]  She won't take direction, she keeps ad-libbing and she tells everybody how to say their lines.

  Ben : Yeah, well, you know your mother.

  Nick : She made Pontius Pilate cry!

• Nick : [about Susan]  You've got to tell her to lighten up.

  Ben : Why me?

  Nick : You're her husband.

  Ben : You're her son.

  Nick : You were her husband first.

  Ben : Not necessarily.

  Nick : Are you calling me a bastard?

  Ben : Every day!