My Family (TV Series)
My Will Be Done (2004)
Gabriel Thomson: Michael Harper
Quotes
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Ben : Can't you even love me for my money any more?
Janey Harper : Well, Gran's leaving me hers.
Nick : I've got a good job, dad!
Michael Harper : Roger's paying me £50 a week just to let him be my guardian.
Ben : Right, that's it! If that's the way you want to play it, fine! None of you gets a penny when I die!
Nick : How about a fiver now?
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Ben : You're probably wondering why I called you all here today.
Janey Harper : No.
Michael Harper : No.
Susan Harper : Yes.
Nick : What was the question?
Ben : I've completed my will. But I've also found an online mortality site that talks sense. It's given me 40 more years to live! I can smoke, I can drink and eat as much junk food as I like! Hah! I've never felt so healthy and alive! See this?
[Tears up his will]
Susan Harper : Your will!
Abi Harper : My inheritance!
Roger Bailey : My freedom! Hahahahahahahahaha!
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Ben : Datewithdeath.com? How does it work?
Michael Harper : Well, they ask you questions about your health and lifestyle, you give honest answers and then you get a date of death.
Ben : Hmm. How delightfully simple.
Michael Harper : OK. Age?
Ben : The usual.
Michael Harper : Are you stressed at work?
Ben : Hah! I'm stressed everywhere, mate!
Michael Harper : Exercise?
Ben : Oh... five times a week... Four... Three... OK, none!
Michael Harper : Do you like your food?
Ben : Nope. But your mother still makes me eat it.
Michael Harper : Do you smoke?
Ben : No... Yes... No... Yes.
[Michael types in 'yes']
Ben : No!
Michael Harper : Yes! Units of alcohol?
Ben : Ooh... five or six?
Michael Harper : Per night?
Ben : Per week!
Michael Harper : [laughs] Yeah, right! Per night! Anyone in your family die young?
Ben : Not as yet!
Michael Harper : OK. It says here you have 67...
Ben : Yes!
Michael Harper : ...weeks to live.
Ben : 67 weeks? But that's not fair!
Michael Harper : Well, life isn't fair - and in your case, not very long, either!