- Nick: [through a video postcard] Mum, Dad, I miss you. My Far-Eastern adventure was not what I expected. I came here to follow my dreams and ended up being pursued by a nightmare. My backpack fell down a waterfall; my passport got stolen from a bar; my girlfriend turned out to be a man! Worst of all, my plan to set up a Punch and Judy franchise on every beach in Thailand fell foul of the all-powerful Puppeteers Union. They're worse than the Triads! And I need to pay them 2,000 US Dollars or they'll stuff me and mount me and use me as a glove puppet! Mum, Dad, if you're watching this, please wire me the money before it's too late! I'm desperate!
- Nick: [through a video postcard] Mum, Dad, bad news! The money hasn't arrived! I think it was stolen on an island by cyber pirates. And now the price has gone up. I need 3,000 US Dollars and I need it quickly! The Puppeteers Union have joined forces with the Guild of Lady Boys. Please help! I can't hide from them much longer! Please!
- Michael: [filming Nick in his room] Cut. Well, it's good for me.
- Nick: Oh, yeah? Oh, I don't know. Cyber Pirates; do you think they'll buy that?
- Nick, Michael: Yeah!
- Nick: One more for luck?
- Michael: OK.
- Nick: I'll think I'll try for 4,000 this time!
- Nick Harper: [Through a video postcard] Mum, Dad, I miss you. My Far-Eastern adventure was not what I expected. I came here to follow my dreams and ended up being pursued by a nightmare. My backpack fell down a waterfall; my passport got stolen from a bar; my girlfriend turned out to be a man! Worst of all, my plan to set up a Punch and Judy franchise on every beach in Thailand fell foul of the all-powerful Puppeteers Union. They're worse than the Triads! And I need to pay them 2,000 US dollars or they'll stuff me and mount me and use me as a glove puppet! Mum, Dad, if you're watching this, please wire me the money before it's too late! I'm desperate!
- Nick Harper: [Through a video postcard] Mum, Dad, bad news! The money hasn't arrived! I think it was stolen on an island by cyber pirates. And now the price has gone up. I need 3,000 US dollars and I need it quickly! The Puppeteers Union have joined forces with the Guild of Ladyboys. Please help! I can't hide from them much longer! Please!
- Michael: [Filming Nick in his room] Cut! Well, it's good for me.
- Nick Harper: Oh, yeah? Oh, I don't know. Cyber Pirates; do you think they'll buy that?
- Nick Harper, Michael: Yeah!
- Nick Harper: One more for luck?
- Michael: OK.
- Nick Harper: I'll think I'll try for 4,000 this time!