My Family (TV Series)

Get Cartier (2001)

Kris Marshall: Nick Harper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ben Harper : [after receiving a set of tyres from some mysterious men]  Susan, you don't understand! I'm telling you this is a gift from the mob!

  Nick Harper : What mob?

  Janey Harper : Dad's involved with the mob!

  Michael Harper : Yeah, right! What would the mob want dad for?

  Nick Harper : Target practice?

  [Everyone except Ben laughs] 

  Ben Harper : Oh, yes! Fine! Laugh! Go on, laugh - until I botch up a gangster's filling and mysteriously disappear!

  Susan Harper : At least I'll have the tyres to remember you by!

• Susan Harper : Ben, there is no mob!

  Michael Harper : Of course there's a mob! They control 6.3% of the world's economy through drug trafficking, gambling, diamond smuggling, real estate and prostitution.

  Nick Harper : Incredible. Are they taking on staff?

• Ben Harper : I thought you were a decapitated horse!

  Nick Harper : No. I just feel like one! Cut down in my prime!

  Susan Harper : Oh, Nicky! What happened?

  Nick Harper : Melinda wants to get married and settle down.

  Susan Harper : Oh, that's wonderful!

  Ben Harper : So, you'll be moving out?

  Nick Harper : Yeah, but she wants to marry someone else!

  Ben Harper : Ah. So, you'll be moving out?

  Nick Harper : She says she loves me, but I show no signs of growth!

  Susan Harper : You show no signs of growth? Ridiculous!

  Nick Harper : [Cries and hugs Susan]  Mummy!

  Ben Harper : So, *I'll* be moving out!

  Susan Harper : Look, the first thing you should do is to get a good night's sleep.

  Ben Harper : In your own bed!

  Susan Harper : Then first thing in the morning, you call Melinda, tell her you recognise her concerns, but you're ready and willing to change.

  Nick Harper : But I don't want to change! I like who I am! I want *her* to change!

  Susan Harper : Now you're sounding like a baby!

  Nick Harper : And is that a crime? Don't babies deserve a little happiness? I mean, what else is youth for?

  Ben Harper : May I say something?

  Nick Harper : Sympathetic or harsh?

  Ben Harper : I don't... let's see what comes out, shall we? Stop whining! It's pathetic!

  Nick Harper : I hope that was the harsh part!

• Nick Harper : I'm in Hell, dad.

  Ben Harper : Welcome to the club!

  Nick Harper : I'm in love with someone who's ruining my life.

  Ben Harper : Welcome to the club!

  Nick Harper : Dad, any club rules?

  Ben Harper : Yep, one. If it hurts or its embarrassing, shut up - no one wants to hear about it!

• Nick Harper : [Crying]  I love her, dad! I didn't think I'd care, but now I do! And I want her back, but I don't want to change and I don't want to lose her! I never thought I could love another person as much as I love me!

  Ben Harper : [Also emotional]  Yeah. I know. It's the same with me. I, erm... Mr Smith gave me a £2,000 watch and, erm... he wants it back, right? But your mother found it in the chest and she thinks I... bought if for her, when in fact I really bought her a fire extinguisher, which... one day, might save her life! And, erm... now my life's in danger because I can't give Mr Smith a £2,000 watch back and I just don't know what to do!

  Nick Harper : [Indifferently]  Dad, please! Club rules? Although, I do have an idea that could help you. Why don't you just ask mum for the watch back?

  Ben Harper : You really don't understand women at all, do you?

  Nick Harper : That's what I've just been trying to tell you! OK, alright. Plan B: what you do is you set the house on fire and when everyone runs away, you grab the watch!

  Ben Harper : Yeah, but everybody could get killed.

  Nick Harper : That's the brilliant idea! Mum will really appreciate that fire extinguisher!

  Ben Harper : Yeeeeee... no, forget it! Your mother's got the watch, your mother's going to keep the watch.

  Nick Harper : But aren't you afraid the mob would break your legs?

  Ben Harper : That's nothing compared to what your mother would break!

• Ben Harper : [Seeing Nick make out with a mystery woman]  Hello, Melinda. Glad things worked out.

  Young Woman : [Stops kissing Nick]  Who's Melinda?

  Nick Harper : [pause]  It's my middle name!

  [They resume making out]