My Family (TV Series)
Ben Wants to Be a Millionaire (2001)
Daniela Denby-Ashe: Janey Harper
Quotes
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Janey Harper : What are you doing?
Susan Harper : Learning Russian. I've got a tour group coming in from Moscow next week.
Janey Harper : Oh, that's great, mum! How do you say 'Will you buy me Prada shoes?' in Russian?
Susan Harper : [Looks through phrasebook] Let me see... Ah! Here it is - 'nyet!'
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Janey Harper : Since you're eating out, can we get a takeaway?
Susan Harper : No. I'm making borscht. It's a delicious Russian soup made with beetroot and sour cream.
Janey Harper : Are you sure borscht isn't the sound you make after you've eaten it?
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Susan Harper : It's not often I get to meet one of your friends.
Janey Harper : That's because he hasn't got any.
Ben : I have lots of friends, actually. Just none I like.
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Janey Harper : When is the last time I asked you for anything?
Susan Harper : This morning at breakfast. You wanted an egg white omelette and a car.
Janey Harper : And did I get either? Nyet! Come on, mum! If you asked me for something, I'd gladly get it.
Susan Harper : Fine. Help me get dinner ready.
Janey Harper : And then I get the shoes?
Susan Harper : Then you get to eat!
Janey Harper : What? After we eat, I get the shoes?
Susan Harper : Janey, I'm too tired for this.
Janey Harper : Good. Give in!
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Janey Harper : So, this, er, so-called friend. How did you meet - the No-Friends Club?
Ben : The No-Friends Club? Ooh! No, at school, actually. I stopped a group of kids from beating him up.
Susan Harper : My hero.
Ben : Actually, I rushed in to beat him myself, but I missed. Hit someone else by mistake, the gang dispersed, he thanked me so much I just went along with it, really.
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Nick Harper : [Pointing at the pot of borscht] What are we going to do with that?
Janey Harper : Oh, give it to me. I'll dump it.
Michael Harper : Oh, no way! If it's all gone, she'll know we dumped it!
Nick Harper : Or worse - she'll think we liked it and make it again!
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Janey Harper : Maxine's parents bought her a pair! I suppose they love her more than you love me!
Susan Harper : Janey, some people shower their children with gifts while others shower their children with affection.
Janey Harper : Oh, and where does that leave me?
Susan Harper : Without Prada shoes!
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Nick Harper : Relax, Janey. I know where you can get your hands on some easy cash. All you have to do is sell your organs.
Janey Harper : Nick, I told you I'm not dating your idiot friend Kyle!
Nick Harper : No, I mean over the internet. That's what I'm going to do. People need organs, I've got them. Simple law of supply and demand. Do you know how much my kidney is worth?
Janey Harper : No.
Michael Harper : The going rate is £1,200.
Michael Harper : Is that all? How about if I throw in my tonsils... and a kiwi?
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Ben : Oh, come on! I can't believe you're angry!
Susan Harper : What makes you think I'm angry?
Janey Harper : Oh. Children are home early.
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Janey Harper : What are we talking about?
Michael Harper : Money.
Janey Harper : Why didn't somebody call me?
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Janey Harper : Who's Andy?
Ben : Andy's my best friend.
Janey Harper : Oh. Your imaginary friend? How is he? Same as ever?
Ben : Oh, yes! But now, he's got millions of pounds!
Susan Harper : And the penis of a 20-year-old!
Nick Harper : Cool! How much did he pay for it?
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Nick Harper : Hey, Janey! What do you think?
Janey Harper : I think you're an idiot!
Nick Harper : No, about my new NickBits logo.
Janey Harper : It looks like a mixed grill!
Nick Harper : Cool!
Janey Harper : Do you honestly think anybody would be interested in anything you have to offer?
Nick Harper : Bids on my kidneys are up to £300 and rising!
Janey Harper : You're joking? What, both of them?
Nick Harper : No, all three!
Janey Harper : Nick, you haven't got three kidneys.
Nick Harper : They don't know that!
Janey Harper : Only you would think of something this crazy.
Nick Harper : I know!
Janey Harper : Well, what are you going to do when you've got no parts left to sell?
Nick Harper : I'll retire!
Janey Harper : That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!
Nick Harper : You won't be saying that when I'm the world's richest toe!
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Janey Harper : Go away, Michael.
Michael Harper : How do you like the new shoes?
Janey Harper : I'd like them a lot better if they were in the other room!
[pause]
Janey Harper : Er, are those Prada?
Michael Harper : Why, yes! Everyone's wearing them... except you!
[Janey chases Michael out of the room]