My Family (TV Series)

Awkward Phase (2000)

Daniela Denby-Ashe: Janey Harper

Quotes 

• Janey Harper : I wish I was dead!

  Susan : Janey! How can you say that? "I wish I *were* dead." The subjunctive. Boys are more impressed by good grammar than tight jeans, you know.

• Janey Harper : What's this?

  Susan : It's for Oxfam. We're getting rid of stuff we don't need anymore.

  Janey Harper : Oh, do you think they'd take Nick?

• Janey Harper : [Picking up an old shirt]  Did someone actually wear this?

  Susan : Well... it's from the 70s. It was a different time then, when people were hip, wild and...

  Janey Harper : Colourblind?

• Janey Harper : You know, I can't believe you're letting a 12-year-old out on a date.

  Susan : Well, like it or not, he's growing up.

  Nick Harper : What? You never let me go out on my own when I was that age!

  Susan : Well, maybe we should have.

  Ben Harper : Yeah, and changed the locks.

• Janey Harper : Mummy, let me help you with the heavy shopping.

  Susan : Thank you, dear - whatever you're up to.

  Janey Harper : Do I have to be up to something?

  Susan : I don't care. Keep helping.

• Janey Harper : But, mum, look! These are a £100-pair of jeans marked down to practically... less than £100, and... the money grandma gave me?

  Susan : That money's for when you go to college. We agreed.

  Janey Harper : *We* didn't agree. *You* agreed.

  Susan : And I can't do anything more than agree, can I?

• Janey Harper : Michael, if you're going to go out with a girl, first of all - wash. OK? Boys never seem to realise that animal magnetism doesn't necessarily mean animal smell.

• Janey Harper : [about her Prada jeans]  Would it feel better if I took them back?

  Susan : It might ease the pain.

  Janey Harper : Well, I can't. Prada doesn't give refunds on sales.

  Susan : So be it. You chose between Miuccia Prada and your own mother and Miuccia won. Although with a name like Miuccia, the victory must be pyrrhic, indeed!

• Susan : I want you to feel really guilty. Heartbreakingly "I'll-never-think-of-doing-anything-like-this-again" guilty.

  Janey Harper : No! That's not possible! Because I'm right about this! I mean, there's nothing to feel guilty about.

  Susan : You can't just feel guilty when you want to feel guilty! You have to feel guilty when you don't want to feel guilty! That's how it works!

• Janey Harper : OK, well, how about this then, mum? OK? I feel guilty, erm... but you're the one who learns a valuable lesson.

  Susan : Are you negotiating terms of remorse with me?

  Janey Harper : Why not? I've got a good teacher.

  Susan : You're not so stupid, are you?

  Janey Harper : [Hands Susan her Prada jeans]  So, can you take them up for me? I'm going to need them by 9.

  Susan : But then, you're not so clever, aren't you?

• Janey Harper : I wasn't allowed out with a boy until I was 13-and-a-half! And you both followed us to the cinema!

  Susan : That wasn't us!

  Janey Harper : Yeah, right! I asked Charlie for some popcorn and all of a sudden, dad reaches out from behind and offers me some!

  Ben : Still wasn't us!

  Susan : Even if it had been, that was then and this is now.

  Ben : Exactly! We're humans - we're allowed to change.

  Janey Harper : No. You're not.

  Nick Harper : Who are you? What have you done with our real parents?