My Family (TV Series)
'Tis Pity She's a Whore (2001)
Daniela Denby-Ashe: Janey Harper
Photos
Quotes
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Michael Harper : Nick, the whole point of debating is to answer questions directly and honestly, not to tarnish your opponent's reputation.
Nick Harper : I thought you wanted to win.
Michael Harper : I want to win fair and square.
Janey Harper : I thought you were a Tory.
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Janey Harper : Great-grandma was a tart?
Rebecca : Good heavens, no. She was a *prostitute*.
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Susan Harper : Ben, stop being so melodramatic.
Ben Harper : I'm not being melodramatic. I'm starving.
Janey Harper : [Storms into the kitchen] I hate this family!
Ben Harper : *That's* being melodramatic!
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Janey Harper : You stink!
Nick Harper : I'll have you know I'm sporting a carefully cultivated scent of beer, smoke and Twiglets!
Ben Harper : What's it called? Eau de colon?
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Janey Harper : Can I get some Chanel body lotion?
Susan Harper : You know what? There's a sale on at Selfridges.
Janey Harper : What's the catch?
Susan Harper : There's no catch. Just while you're out, could you get me some facial scrub?
Janey Harper : Oh, OK.
Susan Harper : And visit your grandmother?
Janey Harper : What? No way!
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Janey Harper : [about Susan's mother] Er, and what about you? You hardly ever see her!
Susan Harper : I don't need to. Her image is embossed on my brain.
Janey Harper : Well, why does it have to be me? Hmm?
Michael Harper : Don't look at me! I went to see her last time she was dying!
Nick Harper : I'll go next time.
Janey Harper : And what happens if she already is dying?
Nick Harper : Then I win!
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Janey Harper : Are you sure vodka Martinis are a good thing to be drinking in your condition?
Rebecca : A Martini is a good thing in any condition.
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Rebecca : Now tell me, how is young Michael?
Janey Harper : Oh, fine.
Rebecca : And how is the idiot?
Janey Harper : Ugh. Nick's fine too.
Rebecca : No, I mean your father.
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Janey Harper : Oh, I forgot to tell you something. What was it? Er... oh, yeah. Grandma's got the plague and lost her arms.
Susan Harper : It's ridiculous! She thinks I'll come running now, just because suddenly this week she's feeling old and alone. All she needs is a violin.
Nick Harper : How will she play it with no arms?
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Janey Harper : [about her grandmother] You know, we talked about loads of things! We talked about school; the weather; great-grandma.
Susan Harper : Oh, yes, well, your great-grandmother was quite a socialite!
Janey Harper : No, she wasn't. She was a hooker.
Ben Harper : [Looking shocked]
Nick Harper : Pass the ketchup.
Ben Harper : She... she... she... she was... what, what? Wha... Sorry, who told you this?
Janey Harper : Grandma.
Susan Harper : You know, Janey, mother probably meant 'cooker'. Your great-grandmother was a superb chef - like me.
Michael Harper : It's not true, is it?
Susan Harper : Your great-grandmother happened to be a social hostess.
Ben Harper : [Looking flustered]
Susan Harper : Something wrong with your food?
Ben Harper : Yes, but that's beside the point. When you say 'social hostess', what you really need to say is...
Susan Harper : I believe you understand me correctly.
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Janey Harper : I just had the most fascinating time!
Susan Harper : I thought you went to see my mother.
Janey Harper : I did! She's not half as boring as you'd think!
Ben Harper : You and your grandmother been drinking?
Janey Harper : Just enough to take the edge off!
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Janey Harper : [after discovering her great-grandma was a prostitute] I can't wait to tell Maxine!
Michael Harper : You can't! If this gets out, it could ruin my political career!
Susan Harper : Oh, don't be ridiculous! It was 80 years ago!
Michael Harper : Still not something we want spread around!
Janey Harper : Oh, please, Michael! It was the only cool thing about this entire family!
Ben Harper : Sorry, are you forgetting the Harper side of the family?
Janey Harper : Oh, right, yeah - the dull side.
Ben Harper : No, don't... don't confuse 'dull' with 'average'.
Janey Harper : Average, boring, whatever.
Ben Harper : Look, if being average is the worst thing people can say about you, you're doing OK.
Susan Harper : Spoken like a true Harper!
Ben Harper : Well, at least with the Harpers, what you see is what you get!
Nick Harper : Ooh! Tough luck, mum!
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Nick Harper : How long's this jelly been in the fridge?
Janey Harper : I think it's soup, Nick!
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Nick Harper : Oh, don't you look precious!
Michael Harper : Get off! I'm practising for my debate!
Janey Harper : Right! So, Mr Harper, what's your position on drugs?
Michael Harper : [Clears throat] If elected, I'll devote every resource possible to help educate our students of the dangers of drug use.
Janey Harper : Very good answer, Michael!
Nick Harper : Yes - if you want to get slaughtered! Remember, dude, it's all about spin!
Janey Harper : Er, I think we all know your position on drugs!
Nick Harper : No, come on! Come on! Go with me on this!
Janey Harper : OK. So, Mr Harper, what's your position on drugs?
Nick Harper : Let me just say that I will not comment on the vicious rumours about my opponent's frequent use of recreational drugs!
Michael Harper : But there are no vicious rumours.
Nick Harper : There are now!
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Ben Harper : No, I've got to do something! Say something! Make a statement! Something that says the Harpers were here! Something my grandchildren's grandchildren will talk about!
Nick Harper : Like the time you got that hazelnut stuck up your nose!
Ben Harper : No, something else.
Michael Harper : Maybe I can pull a few strings and get you a bench in the park.
Janey Harper : Why would dad want a bench for?
Nick Harper : It was a very big hazelnut!
Michael Harper : Because people who get a bench get a plaque with their name on it - and a small slice of immortality.
Ben Harper : Yeah! That's not bad! Hey, how come all of a sudden you're so connected?
Michael Harper : Please, I'm in politics! One well-placed phone call and I could have you killed!
