The Muppet Show (TV Series)

Don Knotts (1977)

Jerry Nelson: Floyd Pepper, Screaming Thing, Gorgon Heap, Burlington Bertie, Gingerbread Man, The Announcer

Quotes 

• Sgt. Floyd Pepper : Okay, green thing. The band has asked me to have a word with you.

  Kermit the Frog : Yeah?

  Sgt. Floyd Pepper : I refer, specifically to the closing number.

  Fozzie Bear : Oh, boy.

  Kermit the Frog : Uh, well, I tell you, this is not my fault this time. See, because Fozzie Bear is helping me plan tonight's show, and he was the one that wanted the band to play "Lullaby of Birdland.'' That was Fozzie.

  Sgt. Floyd Pepper : So, this is the bear's doing, huh?

  Kermit the Frog : You bet.

  Fozzie Bear : Oh, hi, Floyd. Uh, isn't "Lullaby of Birdland" all right?

  Sgt. Floyd Pepper : All right? Hey, it's terrific!

  Fozzie Bear : It is?

  Kermit the Frog : It is?

  Sgt. Floyd Pepper : Yeah. "Lullaby of Birdland" is a jazz classic. At last we have some decent music on this gig.

  Fozzie Bear : [to Kermit]  Ha!

  Sgt. Floyd Pepper : Yeah, "Lullaby of Birdland." Why isn't the bear running things around here?

  Fozzie Bear : Yeah. Why isn't the bear running things around here?

  Kermit the Frog : Yeah, why isn't the frog auditioning new comedians?

  Fozzie Bear : Why isn't the bear keeping his mouth shut.

• Sgt. Floyd Pepper : What in the pluperfect past tense was that?

  Don Knotts : Lullaby of Birdland, man!

  Dr. Teeth : Oh yeah? Well, it sounds like the bird died.

• Sgt. Floyd Pepper : Hey, Fozzie, my fuzzy!

  Fozzie Bear : Hey, Floyd!

  Sgt. Floyd Pepper : Everything is everything.

  Fozzie Bear : Whatever.

• Kermit the Frog : Floyd, Floyd, it's time to do "Lullaby of Birdland."

  Sgt. Floyd Pepper : Ohh, yeah. Speaking of which, uh, since I'm playing vibes in this number, we're gonna need another player for the bass.

  Kermit the Frog : Floyd, how can I find a bass player now? You're on.

  Fozzie Bear : Hey, Kermit, no problem! I have already found the perfect bass player. Floyd, you just go out there and start cookin' baby.

  Sgt. Floyd Pepper : Ah, yeah, my bear. I knew you were a gas.

  Fozzie Bear : Yes, all right! And I will introduce this number for my hip brothers, green stuff. He-hey!

  Kermit the Frog : The, uh, bear has wigged out.

• Sgt. Floyd Pepper : Me and the band just took another vote because of what happened in the Birdland number.

  Fozzie Bear : Yeah?

  Sgt. Floyd Pepper : You have been officially and permanently de-shaded. Take off the peepholes.

  Fozzie Bear : Oh, no.

  Don Knotts : Don't worry, Fozzie. Always remember: square is beautiful.

  Fozzie Bear : You bet.

  Sgt. Floyd Pepper : I'll see that bet and raise you five.