- Count Myron: Throw the Prince into the dungeon.
- Prince Ludlow of Peruvia: Wait! There's been something I wanted to tell you for a long time, Count Myron. You're a pompous windbag, a funk, and a pony!
- Micky: A funk and a pony?
- Prince Ludlow of Peruvia: I, I, I have come to your country to t-t-try and find a bride. U-under the terms of my nation's constitution, if I'm still unwed by my 18th birthday, eh, my throne passes to Count Myron.
- Davy: That sounds crazy to me.
- Prince Ludlow of Peruvia: I know, that's, that's what I told the producers.
- Count Myron: Now, in a few minutes, Miss Wendy Forsyth will arive to meet the prince. Somehow she took a liking to him when they met on the Riviera.
- Max: But sire, they might marry!
- Count Myron: I don't think so. I told her that he was sly, malicious, a pathological liar, and a sadist.
- Max: Yes, but what did you tell her was *wrong* with him?
- Davy: You know, if Van Gogh had a girl like you, he'd still have both his ears.
- Wendy Forsythe: May I see you again, Your Highness?
- Davy: Oh, call me 'High'!
- Prince Ludlow of Peruvia: I-I'm very, very hungry. Is, is there anything to eat in there?
- Peter: Well, there's some, ah, Limburger cheese, and a can of sardines, and some liverwurst that's been here for two weeks. What'll I open first?
- Prince Ludlow of Peruvia: How about the window?
- Davy: The boy stood on the burning deck. He didn't he oughta. He took his shoes and stockins off and his feet were in the water
- Davy: Suppose Ludlow doesn't show up on time. I might end up marrying a beautiful girl and ruling a nation of millions.
- Prince Ludlow of Peruvia: Mr. Jailer, would you abandon your prince in a moment of need?
- Jailer: Sooner.