- Henry Weatherspoon: You see, I am a scientist, and in order to bring people back from the dead, I have invented a magnificent pill.
- Mike: Oh, come on, you invented aspirin?
- Henry Weatherspoon: Ah! That's only a disguise.
- Micky: Aspirin in disguise? I don't believe it.
- Mike: Well I do, and I also get it. See, he gives us the pill, and we believe that Elmer came back from the dead. We also see pretty colors...
- Micky: Right!
- Mike: ...and things climbing up the wall, well, I bet ya it does a lot of things.
- Henry Weatherspoon: I told you, I am a scientist!
- Mike: [small voice] Yeah, I know you did.
- Micky: Mad scientist?
- Henry Weatherspoon: No, but I will be if he keeps making those remarks.
- Mrs. Weatherspoon: Don't be disrespectful to those who have passed beyond!
- Micky: It's not The Passing Beyond that bothers us so much; it's The Coming Back!
- Peter: Gee, are you sure it's right to force all this tea on me?
- Mrs. Weatherspoon: Whenever you have a cold you must always force fluids.
- Peter: Gee, I had a cousin who had a terrible cold, and they forced about twelve gallons of the stuff on him.
- Mrs. Weatherspoon: Ooh, and what happened?
- Peter: Well, the cold got better, but he drowned.
- Henry Weatherspoon: Is everything prepared in the basement, Boris?
- Boris Weatherspoon: Hmmm.
- Henry Weatherspoon: Don't beat around the bush. Yes or no?
- Boris Weatherspoon: Hmmm.
- Henry Weatherspoon: Good. Why didn't you say so the first time?
- Mrs. Weatherspoon: [a trumpet blows from beyond the grave] It's Elmer! It's Elmer! Oooh.
- Mike: How do you know it's Elmer?
- Mrs. Weatherspoon: He's playing our song!