- Sharona Fleming: Oh, suck it up.
- Adrian Monk: I don't think it's my turn to suck it up. I think it's your turn to suck it up.
- Benjy Fleming: Why don't you both suck it up?
- Sharona Fleming: Excuse me! Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
- Benjy Fleming: No.
- Sharona Fleming: Well, you should. Come here.
- Sharona Fleming: You okay?
- Adrian Monk: Not really in my comfort zone here.
- Sharona Fleming: You have a comfort zone?
- Adrian Monk: Yes, I have a comfort zone.
- Sharona Fleming: I've never seen a comfort zone.
- Adrian Monk: It's not very big. It's, uh, it's kinda
- [gestures with hands]
- Adrian Monk: ...small. I, I don't have a comfort zone.
- Sharona Fleming: If you know who did it, why didn't you go to the police?
- Adrian Monk: Because she was afraid. You're not a citizen yet, but you're about to take your naturalization test, and you didn't want to draw attention to herself.
- Ariana Dakkar: How did you know that?
- Adrian Monk: The pamphlet in your bag. You're studying the U.S. Constitution, something no citizen would ever do. Good luck, by the way.
- Ariana Dakkar: Thank you, Mr. Monk.
- Adrian Monk: Ahem. She missed the net?
- Lt. Randall Disher: She never used a net.
- Adrian Monk: She go to the hospital?
- Lt. Randall Disher: No, she's a Romani gypsy. They don't believe in doctors. She set the bone herself.
- Adrian Monk: So she never saw a doctor, which means a doctor never saw her. Captain.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: All right, Monk. Lieutenant, see if our Queen of the Sky will consent to an X-ray.
- Lt. Randall Disher: Fine.
- [walks out of the room, visibly unhappy at Monk]
- Adrian Monk: Thank you.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: You're welcome.
- [Monk offers his bottle of Sierra Springs over to Sharona, who just glares at him]
- Adrian Monk: You want to finish it?
- [Stottlemeyer walks up to the pair and tries to give them some advice. He takes the offered bottle Monk is still holding out with a sarcastic face to Sharona. Monk listens to the captain but rolls his eyes, and keeps his tongue]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: You know, when Karen and I were having trouble last year, we went to a marriage counselor, a guy named Mosely. Decent guy. He didn't help us much, but I'm sure Karen has the number if you'd like it.
- Sharona Fleming: We're not married, and if we ever get married, shoot me!
- Adrian Monk: You know who you should never marry? The Elephant Man!
- Sharona Fleming: I'd marry the Elephant Man before I married you!
- Adrian Monk: [Making instant cocoa] Is this a dollop?
- Sharona Fleming: What?
- Adrian Monk: A dollop. It says, ''Add one dollop of whipped cream.''
- Sharona Fleming: I dunno. I think a dollop's like a teaspoon.
- Adrian Monk: Yeah. It doesn't say teaspoon. It says, 'Dollop.'
- Sharona Fleming: It doesn't matter. It doesn't have to be exact. It's like a pinch.
- Adrian Monk: How many pinches to a dollop?
- Sharona Fleming: I don't know.
- Adrian Monk: Or maybe it's more like a schmear. Wait. It's like three pinches to a schmear... or... Ach! Forget it! Let's make something else.
- Sharona Fleming: What? You're throwing it out!
- Adrian Monk: Nobody can make this cocoa. The recipe's impossible.
- Natasha Lovara: Sergei was a terrible husband, and a terrible ex-husband, but he's an excellent late husband.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Randy, take that thing down to the lab straight away.
- [the clown motions Randy out]
- Adrian Monk: I wouldn't bother. She's too smart. I'm sure she wiped it down.
- [Natasia looks smug]
- Adrian Monk: Then again, that walkie looks brand new, which means she had to put batteries in it.
- [the smug look fades]
- Adrian Monk: You did remember to wipe your prints off the batteries, didn't you, Natasia?
- Floppy the Clown: [points his finger like a gun at Natasia] Wocka wocka!
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: All right, that's it, freak! You're under arrest!
- [cuffs him]
- Floppy the Clown: For what?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: For impersonating an officer!
- [Stottlemeyer is reconstructing the crime for Monk]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: It's after midnight, everybody's having a good time. Then the perp, dressed in black, shimmies down the fire escape, and leaps down.
- Adrian Monk: Wait a minute, he leaps down?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yep. Now the maitre'd is here, trying to call 911 on his cell phone. He confronts the perp, the perp does a spin move...
- [spins and kicks up his foot]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Hits the phone out of the maitre'd's hand.
- Adrian Monk: Really?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: At this point, pulls a gun, fires one round, right through the guy's heart - kill shot.
- Adrian Monk: From *here*? What is that, thirty feet?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Thirty-four. I know, that's a hell of a shot. We pulled that slug out of the flower box.
- Adrian Monk: [looks] What did he use, a cannon?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: That's a .454 from a Ruger Casull.
- Lt. Randall Disher: They use it on safaris, to stop elephants.
- Adrian Monk: [looking at Nikolai Petroff, who is about to be questioned] A leopard and panther wrangler.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yep, he works with the leopards and the panthers, and he's got a .454 Ruger Casull handgun, which he says he can't find.
- Lt. Randall Disher: He had the hots for the horse trainer the vic was seeing. And get this - he's a trapeze artist wannabe. He's been practicing. They say he's pretty good.
- [Randy takes a sip of his coffee]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: And that's how we spell primary suspect.
- Adrian Monk: Hmm. He's left-handed.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Well, yeah, he works in the circus.
- Adrian Monk: What's that supposed to mean?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: They're freaks. They're all ambidextrous.
- Adrian Monk: Says who?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Circus people are ambidextrous. I read that somewhere.
- Adrian Monk: I like the ex-wife. You should have seen her. She's cold as ice.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Cold as ice with a broken foot.
- Adrian Monk: She's got a bad temper.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: A bad temper with a broken foot.
- Adrian Monk: You keep coming back to the foot.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Monk, the killer did a somersault, and then ran away in front of witnesses.
- Adrian Monk: That's precisely why I think it's her. Why else would the killer jump around like that in front of witnesses?
- [Sharona suddenly grabs his bottle of Sierra Springs]
- Adrian Monk: There's only one reason - to prove...
- [Suddenly, Adrian looks stunned as Sharona takes a big swig from his bottle]
- Adrian Monk: ... prove that she could.
- [She places it firmly back in his hand with a loud sigh of satisfaction, then wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. She glares at him]
- Sharona Fleming: Suck it up!
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Are you guys all right?
- Adrian Monk: Yeah, we're fine.
- Sharona Fleming: Fine.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Okay, as I was saying, she has a broken foot.
- Adrian Monk: It's in a cast. We don't know if it's really broken.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: We haven't exactly been sleeping here, Monk. Lieutenant?
- Lt. Randall Disher: Her story checks out. She broke her left foot two weeks ago in Kansas City.
- [enter black and white flashback as Randy voices over]
- Lt. Randall Disher: She always ended the show with something she called the triple tailspin.
- [We see Natasia doing her tailspin, but missing the next performer and falling to the ground]
- Lt. Randall Disher: You know, it's her specialty move. Anyway, she, uh, missed the bar or something and fell 25 feet, in front of 750 pretty freaked out people.
- Edgar Heinz: Natasia. Over here!
- Natasha Lovara: Heinz!
- Edgar Heinz: Uh, thank you. Thank you for coming.
- Natasha Lovara: What did you want to see me about? Did your girlfriend forget her routine?
- Edgar Heinz: Ha ha. No. I just wanted you to know I got your back. Don't worry, I would never tell anyone.
- Natasha Lovara: Tell them about what, Heinz?
- Edgar Heinz: You know, about how you did it.
- Natasha Lovara: How I did what?
- Edgar Heinz: You know, um, my trailer is over there. A couple of nights ago, I couldn't sleep. I looked out of the window, and, uh, I saw you. Come on, don't make me say it. I always thought you were a smart woman, Natasia. Very smart. Very pretty.
- Natasha Lovara: What do you want, money?
- Edgar Heinz: Money? What would I do with money?
- [He gets down on one knee and looks her in the face]
- Edgar Heinz: I - I just want to spend time with you. I - I like you.
- Natasha Lovara: Heinz... but I like you, too.
- Edgar Heinz: Oh, I think we've got a lot to talk about. Maybe I can buy you a drink?
- Natasha Lovara: I would like that... tomorrow, after the matinee.
- Edgar Heinz: I'll come to your tent.
- Natasha Lovara: No, no, no. Better I meet you here. There's something I want to show you.
- Edgar Heinz: Good. Good.
- [Monk, Sharona, Stottlemeyer and Disher arrive at the Dratch & Denby Travelling Circus]
- Lt. Randall Disher: Oh, wow! Dratch & Denby Circus. Founded in 1947. They do 400 shows a year in 65 different towns. Cool!
- [a fireblower freaks Monk, who recoils a bit but then keeps on moving]
- Lt. Randall Disher: Ha ha ha. Payroll, 240 people.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yeah and he's using the term "people" very loosely.
- [a bearded lady and a weight-lifting woman walk past Stottlemeyer. Just then someone bangs into Sharona]
- Sharona Fleming: Ooh! You okay?
- Adrian Monk: I'm not really in my comfort zone here.
- Sharona Fleming: You have a comfort zone?
- Adrian Monk: Yes, I have a comfort zone.
- [He jumps as a woman snake-charmer sticks a python in his face]
- Sharona Fleming: I've never seen your comfort zone.
- Adrian Monk: It's not very big. It's, uh...
- [tries to size it up with his hands]
- Adrian Monk: ... it's kind of small. I-I don't have a comfort zone.
- Sharona Fleming: Where do we start?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Well, we follow the gun. There's a Ruger Casull handgun registered to an employee here.
- Lt. Randall Disher: Yeah, his name's Nikolai Petroff. He's, uh, one of the animal trainers.
- Adrian Monk: You go on ahead. We're going to poke around on our own.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: All right. Meet you back here in a bit, but stay out of trouble.
- [Randy gets side-tracked by one of the carnival stalls where a kid is ready to shoot for a prize with a toy rifle. He asks to try it and the captain watches him in disbelief. The captain gets him to leave it alone]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Randy!
- [Randy reluctantly walks away from the midway game]