Mister Ed (TV Series)
What Kind of Foal Am I? (1965)
Alan Young: Wilbur Post
Quotes
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Wilbur Post : Ed, I want you to consider me your two-legged father.
Mister Ed : That would not work. Every day when I was little, I would always walk around singing "What Kind of Foal Am I?"
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Wilbur Post : Ed, if you're so obsessed with looking for your biological father, why not go visit your mother? Find out what happened to your father.
Mister Ed : No! You think I haven't done that before? Every time I bring up the subject, Mom starts balling her eyes out. Crying and unable to stop.
Wilbur Post : Your father walked out on her?
Mister Ed : I guess. All I know is that she got custody of me.
Wilbur Post : Yes, but when your mother was sold, I got custody of you, which makes me your father.
Mister Ed : No, no, no! I want my true, four-legged father!
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Wilbur Post : Gordon, what are you doing here? I thought you would go down to Tijuana for the weekend to watch the bullfights.
Gordon Kirkwood : That's not as much as thrilling and fun to see your father-in-law stick his horns into you.
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Wilbur Post : [holding bug spray] Hold still, I'll get that fly for you. He's on the tip of your newspaper.
[Wilbur sprays the bug spray, but the spray hits Carol's dad, bearly missing his face]
Wilbur Post : Dad, I'm sorry! The nosile must be on backwards.
Mr. Hergesheimer : You head is on backwards, you kook!
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Gordon Kirkwood : [enters laughing] Wilbur, I just saw the whole thing. If that's your way of making friends, how do you make enemies?
Wilbur Post : I don't know. I can't explain it. Around my father-in-law... I just... I am not myself.
Gordon Kirkwood : [still giddy] Well, who ever you are you're not his type!
Wilbur Post : I just can't explain it. I need to make him happy because if he's not happy, Carol is not happy. I am so afraid around him, I just can't think straight or do anything right. You know, if I had any sense I'd do it.
Gordon Kirkwood : Do what?
Wilbur Post : Sit out the entire two weeks that he's here in his airport locker.
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Wilbur Post : Well, your father's plane will be arriving in about an hour. I'd better go down to the airport to pick him up.
Carol Post : You better let me go pick him up.
Wilbur Post : Why? Don't you trust me to make a simple drive to LAX and pick him up and drive him back here to our house?
Carol Post : The last time you went to pick him up last year for his visit, you came home with the suitcases, but left Dad at the airport!
Wilbur Post : How many times do I have to apologize for that? I keep telling you it wasn't all my fault. You know your father never speaks to me. How was I supposed to know that he wasn't sitting in the back seat?