- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Radar, you look pensive.
- Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly: No, sir. I'm just thinking.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: [referring to a watch from a North Korean prisoner] The symbol at the top is a 12. The one at the bottom is a 6.
- Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly: Hey, they stole that from us.
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: We stole waffles from them.
- Maj. Frank Burns: That's the way these yellow devils think. It's burned into their brains. Kill Americans. Kill. Kill. They don't respect human life the way we do. I'd like to take him out and shoot him.
- Dr. Syn Paik: [after Klinger walks by] You know, I've been in the combat for almost three years, but that still strikes me as a very ugly woman.
- Maj. Frank Burns: Why don't I start out with a couple of jokes? Then go into a personal autobiography of myself. I'll tell them about the boy scouts, how I rode a two-wheeler at 13, and how I worked my way through med school by selling burial plots door-to-door. I wish I had time to get a haircut. Well, they'll understand. After all, it's war. Did I mention that I taught my rabbit how to smile? Why did we stop?
- North Korean: Get out.
- Maj. Frank Burns: Why? Is something wrong with the jeep? Oh, don't tell me we're out of gas.
- North Korean: We are past the check point and we don't need you any more.
- North Korean: Besides, you are driving us crazy. We don't need a hostage that badly. Get out.
- Maj. Frank Burns: What do you mean?
- North Korean: You simpleton. We are North Koreans.
- Maj. Frank Burns: Honest Injun? Don't hurt me! I'll tell you anything you want to know.
- North Korean: Get out of the jeep.
- Maj. Frank Burns: You're not going to torture me or anything?
- North Korean: Some other time.
- North Korean: Go back to your camp. It's the best thing you could do for our side.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Suppose there was a doctor who wanted to join this outfit.
- Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly: Oh, heck. That's easy. All he'd have to do is, uh, get in touch with I Corps and request a transfer.
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: Problem. This doctor's from the other side.
- Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly: Other side of what?
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Other side of the war.
- Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly: You mean he's from Supply?