- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Have you ever really considered the foot?
- Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt: Yeah, but I prefer girls.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: War isn't Hell. War is war, and Hell is Hell. And of the two, war is a lot worse.
- Father Francis Mulcahy: How do you figure that, Hawkeye?
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Easy, Father. Tell me, who goes to Hell?
- Father Francis Mulcahy: Sinners, I believe.
- Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce: Exactly. There are no innocent bystanders in Hell. War is chock full of them - little kids, cripples, old ladies. In fact, except for some of the brass, almost everybody involved is an innocent bystander.